Valentine’s Day is on Monday, but really, what’s the fun in that? Most places around town are having parties over the weekend, like Mad River’s Red Light Green Light Party, Market Street Saloon’s Bitterness Bash and Dip It and Lick It Anti-Valentine’s Party, Face to Face Charleston’s Valentine’s Day Party for Single Professionals, and the Valentine’s Masquerade Ball at Elite Dance.

There’s also Valentine’s Day Benefit for the Kirker School of Second Chance, and Cypress Gardens is offering Valentine’s Day Carriage Ride.

If you’re more interested in a fancy dinner with your significant other, check out our V-Day round-up right here.

Or maybe you’d rather celebrate Mardi Gras with the Krewe of Charleston.

There is nothing in the world more romantic than bagpipes. Just the sound of ‘em gets me going, and there’ll be a lot of them at the Pipe-Major Sandy Jones Invitational Bagpipe Competition.

The Vagina Monologues is well-timed for Valentine’s Day.

You know what they say about oysters being an aphrodisiac. If you go to Sullivan’s Island Fire Department Oyster Roast, the Benefit Oyster Roast at Bowens Island Restaurant, or the Oysters on the Point finale, you’ll definitely be ready to go on Valentine’s Day.

You know what else is an aphrodisiac? Tyler Mechem’s beard. He’ll be performing at the first ever SEWE Kick-Off Party, which also features Ken Block and Drew Copeland from Sister Hazel and oysters.

Humor is an incredibly attractive feature on a human being. So I’ve basically got the hots for all the performers at Theatre 99 this weekend, like from Improv Smackdown!, Blast Off?, Improv Riot, and the guys from An Intimate Evening of Comedy and Rap Music. Gabriel Iglesias is in town this weekend too.

And athletes are always crush-worthy, like the Lowcountry HighRoller ladies, who’ll be competing in the Sweethearts Brawl, and the fellas in the South Carolina Stingrays.

Did you wait until the last minute to get a V-Day present? Trinity Shoes and Accessories Fashion Show and Launch Party, Beba Luxe Trunk Show, and Holy City Artist and Fleas might have what you’re looking for.

Movies make for some of the most traditional dates. Nothing to Prove: The Story of Mac Arnold’s Return to the Blues and Me Facing Life: Cyntoia’s Story might only appeal to specific people, but Guy and Madeline on a Park Bench is sure to leave you feeling lovey dovey.

Take the kids, a result of your love, to Bright Star Touring Theatre’s performance of Frederick Douglass. Plus Jonathan Miller will read from and sign copies of The Adventures of Sammy at Sugar Snap Pea.

If the holiday is stressing you out, take in some free acupuncture.

If your having chest pains, that might not be love. It might be something serious. Go to the St. Andrews Family Fitness Health Fair for some free screenings.

It’s a Second Sunday on King, and if you’ve got a red-and-white-striped shirt, a red hat, and a pair of glasses, you might as well put them on and join in on Most People Dressed As Where’s Waldo Characters In One Place. Plus red’s the color of love, right?

OK, that was weak. At this point I’m pretty much out of Valentine’s Day jokes, so here’s a couple other things happening this weekend: The Charleston County Park and Recreation Commission is looking for summer employees at their job fair, and  authors Evelyn Pike Rubin and Nicole Seitz are hosting events.

So there you go. If you’re in love, have a great weekend. If you’re not, I can totally relate.