As you’ve probably heard, the powers that be at the University of South Carolina have given Stephen Garcia the boot. Why? According to ESPN, the extracurricular-mishap prone QB may have tested positive for alcohol and marijuana. Oh well.

But exactly what will Garcia do next? I have a couple of theories:

1. He’ll form the #OccupyFivePoints movement and protest flat beer and breathalizers.

2. He’ll give freshman defensive end Jadeveon Clowney his ID.

3. He’ll apply for the open slot on the Jackass crew.

4. He’ll become a drug mule.

5. He’ll partner with Thomas Ravenel for a revival of Neil Simon’s The Odd Couple at this year’s Spoleto.

6. He’ll join AAA.

Anyhow, those are mine. What are yours?

Stay cool. Support City Paper.

City Paper has been bringing the best news, food, arts, music and event coverage to the Holy City since 1997. Support our continued efforts to highlight the best of Charleston with a one-time donation or become a member of the City Paper Club.