Today’s contemporary Christians are surrounded by enemies. But the threat isn’t coming from where you expect it.
It’s not coming from Satan.
Or cable TV.
Or internet porn.
Or Men’s Health.
Or Hanes bikini briefs for men.
No. The worst enemy that a contemporary Christian can ever face is the born-again fuck-up who renounces his sinful old ways and throws himself into saving his sorry-ass soul.
He goes to church every Sunday. He devours the works of popular Christian theologists, from Joel Osteen to the wife of country superstar Alan Jackson. He DVRs every episode of Bible Secrets Revealed. But most importantly, he actually reads the Bible. In fact, he’s read it from cover to cover — twice. And unlike most mega-church lottery believers and once-a-month Sundy Schoolers, he knows his shit.
As does Phil Robertson.
Right now, the Duck Dynasty patriarch, a former drunkard and adulterer, is in the center of a shitstorm thanks to some comments he made to GQ magazine about homosexuality, comments that were so offensive that he’s now been banned from his own show.
But the fact of the matter is the anti-Robertson bandwagon is shooting at the wrong target.
Yes, the Duck Commander commander said something that offends our modern sensibilities by engaging in a rant that compares homosexuality to bestiality, but the truth is Robertson was only exposing a viewpoint that the Bible itself espouses when he said:
“Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”
Now Robertson wasn’t paraphrasing a passage from the Old Testament’s player-hatin’ Leviticus. Nope. It was straight out of the kinder, gentler section of the Bible, the New Testament, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 to be exact.
Here’s the passage that Robertson was referring to, according today’s preferred text, the New International Version of the Bible:
“Do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
The words are there, Robertson knows them, and frankly a lot of today’s Christians simply don’t. They’re shocked by what he said. They’re horrified. They’re wishing they’d never bought a copy of Duck Commander bedroom slippers for the entire family.
The point is, if you have a problem with Robertson, what you really have is a problem with the Holy Bible, and if you have a problem with that passage, then maybe Christianity ain’t for you. The choice is yours.
As for me, I’ll go ahead and have another drink and buy another tube of Astroglide. Bottoms up!