I have better things to do than defend Phil Robertson

For one, I’ve got a bottle of Blanton’s bourbon on the table in front of me and it really needs a shoulder to cry on. In fact, I haven’t seen it this upset since yesterday around 3:15 when the Georgia Tech football game started. 

And so I’ll be brief. 

Today, the smarmy scions of the internet are going scandal nuts over the latest offensive comments from Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson. This time it concerns a speech Robertson gave to a group of heathen-hatin’ hillbillies in Georgia in which the Dick Commander advised “boys” to get hitched when they’re still in their teens, preferably to a girl that’s 15 to 16. 

But as much as Robertson’s advice rankles the cankles of the members of the smarm-to-table offensigentsia, the reality TV star didn’t advocate anything that wasn’t already legal. The truth is, many states — South Carolina, North Carolina, and, gasp, New York included — allow girls 16 and under to get married. 

So, much like it was with Phil Robertson’s anti-gay comments, your real problem isn’t with that McMansion hillbilly Phil Robertson, it’s with the law itself.