Blotter o’ the Week: A man who is not a licensed chiropractor has been offering to crack people’s backs near the City Market and then asking for money. The back-crack quack was arrested on a charge of charitable solicitation without a permit.

A man who smelled like alcohol was arrested on a charge of disorderly conduct after he screamed obscenities into his cell phone on a residential street after midnight and then yelled at the officers who told him to cool it.

Cautious Wording o’ the Week: A cop noticed that a man was standing beside a tree near Marion Square. In an incident report about the event, the officer wrote, “The Offender could be seen with his genitals out of his jeans with a clear liquid, resembling urine, coming from the Offender’s genital area.”

A man got in a fight at a bar and then berated the officers who came to the scene. While under arrest on a charge of disorderly conduct, he blurted out from the backseat of the police cruiser, “I know the sheriff of North Charleston, so fuck y’all.” Sheriff of North Charleston? O RLY?

While attempting to drive home with a blood alcohol level that was twice the legal limit, a man stopped to ask a cop for directions. The officer conducted a sobriety test and ended up arresting the man on a DUI charge.

Walter White o’ the Week: When police found 10 grams of marijuana in a man’s jacket pocket, the man said, “Times are tough,” and, “I have to pay the light bills and take care of my stepkids.”

After an officer watched a man set a 12-oz. beer bottle on the sidewalk, he checked it out and found it was filled with what he described as “a yellow in color frothy liquid.” Pee or pilsner? Your guess is as good as ours.

A man shoplifted four cartons of cigarettes from a grocery store by walking behind the counter and stuffing them into his puffy jacket.

Cop Grammar o’ the Week: “[The officer] asked the party how much alcohol did he consumed.”

When a man saw that his bedroom windows had been smashed and his bike tires had been slashed, he pointed the finger at his cousin. They had gotten in a fight earlier that day over a 99-cent can of beer.

Somebody stole an apartment complex sign that was worth $600. Whatever happened to college kids just stealing road signs?

DUI Confession o’ the Week: A driver who had been swerving in traffic told police that he had drunk “quite a few beers” that evening. He later revised his estimate, saying, “I had eight beers and shouldn’t be driving.”

Someone shoplifted seven pairs of socks and then threw five of them out on the sidewalk. Waste not, steal not.

Police responded to the scene of a tire-slashing and found drops of blood on the ground nearby. Rookie mistake.

Product Review o’ the Week: When police awoke a man who was sleeping inside a running vehicle with a syringe in his lap, he said, “That heroin is so bad, I could do a whole kilo and not pass out.”

Apparently feeling flush, a man walked into a restaurant and told the staff he wanted to buy everyone a drink. The waiters complied, but when they brought the man his $175 tab, he tried to pay it with a credit card that had only 39 cents in the account.

When police tried to conduct a sobriety test on a driver, the man refused, saying, “We know how that is going to end. I’m going back in the car.”

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