“I have only one firm political belief about the American political system, and that is this: God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat.” — P.J. O’Rourke

Though it is impossible to get Bill O’Reilly to shut up about it, the idea that there is a liberal war on Christmas is absolute fantasy. American liberals don’t hate Christmas. They live it.

If Narnia is a land where “it is always winter but never Christmas,” American liberals live in a place where it is always Christmas Eve but never the end of the month. They sit, waiting for the gifts of joy and peace to appear beneath their tree, utterly clueless that someone, somewhere has to pay the bill.

Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, and the rest of the “Island of Misfit Toys” gang believe with all their might that, if America will just leave Iraq, all the terrorists will magically disappear! They believe that the UN and the EU can somehow make Iran’s weapons-grade uranium go away. And if we all just put down our guns and give Cindy Sheehan a great, big Christmas hug, peace on earth will surely follow.

If you can believe in miracles like that, flying reindeer and flue-sliding fat guys are a cinch.

I have no doubt that Senate Democrats truly wish us all a peaceful Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Arafat’s Birthday. It’s not just talk. They really want peace on earth. Unfortunately, these same liberals are horrified by news that the National Security Agency actually spies on people in America linked to terrorism.

Not random citizens or DNC staffers, but people whose e-mail addresses or phone numbers were found on hard-drives taken from Khalid Sheik Mohammed. President Bush’s unapologetic defense of these wiretaps has some Democrats practically punch-drunk with outrage.

So exactly what — other than investigating people who might be linked to terrorism — do these horrified lefties believe is supposed to prevent our shopping malls and airports from blowing up this holiday season? The spirit of Christmas? The Winter Warlock’s magic snowball?

And if Santa should grant my Christmas wish by stuffing a senior al Qaeda operative into the CIA’s stocking (over the objections of Sen. John McCain, of course), exactly how are we going to find out what this terrorist knows about planned attacks against US? Now that we’ve promised to treat Osama and al-Zarqawi the same way we treat lawful combatants, we can no longer use even mild physical coercion if they refuse to reveal what they know. Nobody’s talking about torture — it’s been illegal for decades. No, the new standards mean that our interrogators aren’t able to use coercive strategies like handcuffing Zarqawi into an uncomfortable position or keeping Osama up past his bedtime.

So what are we supposed to do now, Democrats? Leave our national security interests in the hands of Hermie the Elf? Oh, sorry — he’s too dangerous. He wants to be a dentist, remember?

There are members of the antiwar left who see this entire conversation as a Christmas carol — a flight of fancy about “terrorist threats” as imaginary as Scrooge’s ghosts of Christmas. They believe President Bush went to the trouble of reauthorizing the NSA’s domestic intelligence program some 30 times after 9/11 (and informing Democratic Senators a dozen times, too) out of either paranoia or megalomania, depending on their mood.

One wonders how they hold onto this childlike faith, even at Christmastime, when right above the Macy’s ads in their local paper is the headline: “Iranian President Says Israel Should Be Wiped From the Earth.” Yes, the guy’s a Holocaust-denying kook. But he’s a kook with a nuke (thank you, United Nations) … or soon will be, according to the same UN nuclear watchdogs who failed to discover Iran’s weapons program for 18 years.

The president of a soon-to-be-nuclear-capable country is a whackjob Islamist who has already announced it’s time to destroy another country, and the only solution the world can offer is the threat of (and I quote) “a stern warning” from the United Nations. The UN also announced it is “gravely concerned.”

Well, I’m more concerned about staying out of the grave. And I want to know what, specifically, is going to stop the maniacal mullahs of Iran from launching a nuke, or giving one to their pals in Hamas and Hezbollah.

The UN? The EU? The goodwill of Islamo-fascists? Should I drift off to sleep Christmas Eve with visions of weapons inspectors and peace marchers dancing in my head?

Well, I hate to be a Scrooge, but “Bah, humbug!”

I love the magic of Christmas that fills the eyes of my children every December. But that magic is for children. Sure, The Warden and I look forward to Santa’s visit Christmas morning, but that doesn’t stop one of us from heading out to Wal-Mart on Christmas Eve. For us, the “magic” of Christmas morning involves weeks of planning beforehand and months of financial anguish yet to come.

Only little children hold hands, sing a few Christmas carols, and expect to see peace on earth. It’s the grown-ups who put on a uniform, pick up a gun, and hunt down the evil terrorist bastards as fast as they can.

You can say “Oh, ye of little faith.” But don’t forget that “faith without works is dead.” Peace, joy, and love all come because someone, somewhere puts his faith in a brighter future to work. And, as we see in the Iraqi battlefields and CIA interrogation rooms, some of that work is very, very ugly.

The children of the Left don’t do “ugly.” They just do magic. Wishing. Hoping.

Well, it is my wish and my hope that we will all have a safe and happy Christmas this year. But when we do, it won’t be just because John Murtha and Michael Moore hoped for it. It will be because somewhere this Christmas, a lonely young man far from home is carrying a rifle and dreaming of a white Christmas for the rest of us.

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