1. “Do you know what would look really good on you? Me.”
2. “Nice legs! What time do they open?”
3. “Why don’t you come over here, sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up?”
4. “Let’s go some place where we can be alone … hey, there doesn’t seem to be anyone on this couch.”
5. “Whaddaya say we make like a drummer and beat it.”
6. “I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.”
7. “I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?”
8. “Do you polish your shorts with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.”
9. “I had a terrible wet dream about you last night. Would you like to help make it a reality?”
10. “You know, I’m signed on as an organ donor … let me know when you need anything!”
11. “Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”
12. “Oh, are you hungry? I have a pair of strawberry edible undies with your name on them.”
13. “You know, that dress would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.”
14. “Whaddaya say we make like a bread truck and deliver those buns to my house?”
15. “Hey, make-believe my trousers are Iraq and invade them.”
16. “You must have grown up on a chicken farm … because you sure know how to raise cocks.”
17. “Hey, watch out for the ‘dickfor.’ What’s a ‘dickfor?’ I’ll be glad to show you.”
18. “Champagne can tickle … and so can I.”
19. “Lady, if I jumped on your back, would you beat me off?”
20. “Do you like sleeping? Me too! We should do it together sometime.”
21. “You are on my list of things to do tonight.”
22. “Come on. We’re leaving.”
23. “Let me sing you little Hawaiian ditty; it’s called ‘Comeoniwannalayya.'”
24. “Baby, I’m like snack food: I go straight to your ass!”
25. “Who wants a mustache ride?”
26. “Hi there, my name is Haywood … Haywood Jablomé.”
27. “I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I sure can make your bed rock.”
28. “Are your family terrorists? Because you’re the bomb!”
29. “Here [wiping his cheeks], let me clear a place for you to sit.”
30. “Hey, I’m Scots-Irish. Do you have any Scots-Irish in ya? Would you like some?” Keep the City Paper free We don't have a paywall. Each week's printed issue is free. We're local, independent and free. Let's keep it this way. Please consider a donation of $100 to keep the City Paper free. Donate: chscp.us