I’ve finally figured out why I don’t understand the debate over illegal immigration. It’s the language barrier. I don’t speak … uh, whatever language it is supporters of illegal immigration like Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-South of the Border) speak. Spanglish? Esperanto? That African clicking language?

Whatever the hell it is, I can’t make heads or tails out of it. In a nation with 12 million illegal immigrants, when I hear “immigration reform” coming out of the mouth of Sen. Graham, I just assume he means “fewer illegal immigrants.” With immigration law enforcement so lax that literally hundreds of thousands of these immigration criminals can march through city streets without a single immigration officer even showing up, I assume “immigration reform” means “tougher law enforcement.”

But when Sen. Graham says “immigration reform,” what actually happens is his vote for more illegal immigrants and no law enforcement whatsoever.

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I think the typical American believes, as I do, that if you’re in America illegally, the only reasonable, responsible thing our country can do is the same thing that Mexico and Ireland and every other country does to illegal immigrants: Send you home. Today in America, nobody gets sent home. If you can make it past our tough border security — which has only happened 12 million times in recent memory — you’re here forever.

That’s the immigration problem in a nutshell. That’s the problem normal people mean when they talk about “immigration reform.” People who break the rules shouldn’t get the same benefits as the millions of legal immigrants who went to the trouble and expense to do it right.

Sen. Graham says he agrees. He says it is wrong to reward people for breaking America’s immigration laws and sneaking into our country. He says he opposes “amnesty,” which would allow illegal immigrants to stay in this country, keep working and making money, and have the rights and privileges of American citizenship.

Instead, Sen. Graham wants all 12 million illegal immigrants forced to stay in this country for six years, working and making money and enjoying the benefits of life in America, and then they can become citizens.

That’ll show ’em!

Sen. Graham also supports a new “guest worker” program. You know — “guests,” as in people who come for awhile, do a job, then go home, right?

Uh, wrong. Sen. Graham’s “guest worker” program let’s you come for six years, but apply for citizenship after four. Imagine your brother-in-law coming for a six-week visit but being legally entitled to sleep on your sofa indefinitely after four. You’re never going to get rid of him.

So how is that a “guest” worker program? How is letting illegal immigrants stay in America and become citizens not “amnesty?” Is there a “politician-to-English” handbook that will translate this for me?

Then there is the huge, obvious but unspoken problem with Sen. Graham’s “It’s not amnesty but everyone stays and more people come tomorrow” approach: It will create more illegal immigration.

We know it will because every amnesty we’ve had has inspired a mini-tidal wave of illegal immigration. Sen. Graham’s plan — which is being broadcast on Telemundo every hour on the hour right now — tells every potential illegal immigrant that the risky decision to cross our borders comes with a guaranteed payoff: citizenship. And that’s on top of the immediate reward of fleeing the backward, poverty-ridden ratholes run by the inept and corrupt governments of Mexico and Central America.

So what does Sen. Graham say is going to happen to the first illegal immigrant to arrive after his “non-amnesty” program is in place? What is his plan for the “guest worker” who chooses to stay in America illegally after his time is up? What will Sen. Graham do about the next 12 million illegal immigrants who sneak into America after we magically convert the current ones into citizens?

Nothing. He says nothing about them because he proposes to do nothing about them. Nobody’s getting deported. Nobody’s getting in trouble for being here illegally, or for hiring illegal immigrants. Everbody stays. Nobody leaves. Illegal immigrants get exactly what they want.

Why would Sen. Graham call this “reform?”

Because “America, bend over and take it” just doesn’t have the same ring.

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