The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

On June 5, an employee of a King Street grocery store was given the heads up by a customer that a man roaming the store had stuffed four bags of frozen shrimp under his shirt. When approached, the shrimp-snatcher ran for the door, but was caught. Man, if someone wants to hold a Lowcountry seafood boil, you really can’t stop them, can you?

A cop patrolling America Street on June 6 heard the sound of breaking glass, and while investigating, found a woman just standing up from a squat behind a wooden fence. “I was trying to go pee,” she told the officer, but he noticed cuts on her hands and a broken window behind her. Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go. And sometimes, you gotta break some glass in the process.

Blotter Misspelling O’ The Week:

On June 6, a man was working with a squeegee on St. Philip Street when two guys knocked him to the ground. They dragged him by his hands and feet to an alley nearby and kicked him and punched him for no apparent reason. That’ll teach him not to clean in public!

In the wee hours of June 3, a cop approached a man on King Street who matched the description of a strong-arm robbery suspect. He seemed drunk, and when the officer asked him how much he’d imbibed, Mr. Tipsy said, “I didn’t steal anything. I had four to five drinks. I’m 61 years old, goddamnit!” He was arrested for Public Drunk; we guess because there’s no crime called “Public Old.”

Blotter Warning to a Police Officer O’ the Week:

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