The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

Blotter Misspelling O’ The Week: “intent to distribute herion”

On June 11, a woman walked out of a Folly Road restaurant to find the back window of her SUV smashed. Confused, she checked her voicemail and heard a message from her ex-boyfriend saying, “I hope you like your rear window, bitch.” No, but we’re sure she appreciated the heads up.

After being assaulted by her foster child, a woman called the cops on June 12. She told officers that the munchkin constantly hurt her and made threats against her life. She also mentioned that she didn’t want him to live in her home anymore. What, no milk and cookies for baby Damien?

Blotter Rhetorical Question O’ The Week: “Boy, don’t you know I will stick you?”

On June 10, a man entered an Ashley River Road health food store, pointed a gun at the cashier, and took all the money in the register. See what happens when you stop taking your fish oil?

A man was busted on June 11 in a King Street grocery store for tucking a package of Nestle Toll House chocolate chip cookie dough into his trousers. He was arrested and the merchandise was returned to the store, where it will promptly be sold to someone who has no idea it hung out in a dude’s pants for awhile.

Blotter Obvious Statement O’ The Week: “Damn, y’all be locking me up for some crack.”

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