The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

On Oct. 21, a man was noticed pulling on the door handles of cars on Burns Lane. He crouched between cars when he thought he was being watched, but was eventually arrested. He told cops, “I’m just trying to get some sleep.” If by “sleep” he meant “a new car,” then sure … we’ll buy that.

A man was arrested on Oct. 22 at a downtown synagogue, where he was seen grabbing coins out of a decorative fountain. The 45 cents was “to buy something to drink,” the man explained. We’re guessing Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, ’cause that shit is the bomb!

Blotter Cry Fo’ Help O’ The Week: I am drinking heavily. I don’t know what might happen to me or anyone else. I don’t care about me, but I still do care for you.”

An art vendor in the market asked a group of kids selling palmetto roses to leave the area on Oct. 22, and said she’d call the cops if they didn’t hit the road. One boy pulled a sheathed knife from his pocket, held it above his head and said, “I’ll mess you up if you call the cops,” then ran away. Guess those rascals were just making a stop on their way to youth group.

A downtown elementary school teacher was $41 short when she checked inside her purse at the end of the school day on Oct. 23. One kid was 41 junior bacon cheeseburgers richer.

Stay cool. Support City Paper.

City Paper has been bringing the best news, food, arts, music and event coverage to the Holy City since 1997. Support our continued efforts to highlight the best of Charleston with a one-time donation or become a member of the City Paper Club.