Fracture (PG-13) Assistant district attorney Willy Beachum (Ryan Gosling) matches wits with the man (Anthony Hopkins) who tried to kill his wife and evaded sentencing via a series of technicalities.
Vacancy (PG-13) Mysteriously trapped inside their room at an out-of-the-way motel, a young married couple (Kate Beckinsale and Luke Wilson) learn they have become the stars of a slasher film.
300 (R) Yes, 300 is great to look at (though its burnished golds and CGI’d settings begin to feel like watching a series of production sketches long before the movie ends). But there’s not a hint of humanity in the evil Persians, as the demonized enemy. It’s also alarmingly homophobic, which is a pretty strange approach for a movie that’s non-stop beefcake. And, for that matter, it’s neither terribly exciting, nor involving, since it never gives us a single character to care about, and as soon as it’s set up the action, it’s merely repetitive. It is loud, however. —Ken Hanke
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters (R) First of all, I “get it.” I know that this wretchedly-made juvenalia is supposed to be funny precisely because it is wretchedly-made juvenalia. That’s the joke. And it’s pretty much all the joke there is. I also “get” that a plot about saving the world from destruction by a villainous exercise machine is bizarre, but so what? Is it really the height of satirical humor? Is it really even all that different or more hip than saving the world from a robotic bowler hat in Meet the Robinsons? That’s not to say that the film is entirely unfunny — bits and pieces are hysterical — but it’s all so random and so pleased with itself that it’s hardly worth the bother. —Ken Hanke
Are We Done Yet? (PG) The real question is whether or not Ice Cube’s film career is done yet. Certainly whatever edge he had is out the window. Despite being supposedly based on 1948’s Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House, director Steve Carr’s latest effort bears almost no resemblance to that film. In reality, it’s just an unfunny, lamebrained sequel to Cube’s equally unfunny Are We There Yet?, inflicted on us last year. The main difference here is that Cube as a standard sitcom family man is no longer just a stooge for two smart-mouthed kids but a stooge for all comers. Throw in a few gags about a city guy in the country and a creepy local jack of all trades (John C. McGinley), and you have the perfect recipe for tedium. —Ken Hanke
Blades of Glory (R) Have you seen Anchorman? How about Talladega Nights? Then you’ve seen Blades of Glory. Will Ferrell and Jon Heder star as rival figure skaters who are banned for life from the sport, only to find a loophole which will allow them to compete as a pair. Ferrell does his patented “Hey, look at me, I’m funny” shtick, and Heder seems to be forever trapped in his Napoleon Dynamite persona. There are a handful of amusing gags, but little that will stay with you once you leave the theatre. —Justin Souther
Disturbia (PG-13) If nothing else D.J. Caruso’s Disturbia serves as an object lesson: if you set your goals low enough, you stand a fair chance of reaching them. Assuming that reasonably competent mediocrity was the goal here, Caruso and company have succeeded wildly. There are absolutely no surprises in Disturbia. It is exactly as advertised: a teen-centric variation on Rear Window with a hero under house arrest, a goofy best friend, a girlfriend, a disbelieving mom, unsympathetic cops, and a guy next door who’s a serial killer. It ultimately turns into a Freddy Krueger-lite affair. Fairly efficient at what it does, but nothing exciting. —Ken Hanke
Firehouse Dog (PG) Largely harmless and likely to keep a youngster happily occupied for a couple of hours. Anyone above the age of eight, though, will find little merit in this boorish, clichéd excuse for a family comedy. Hollywood star dog, Rexxx (played by a quartet of canines named Arwen, Frodo, Rohan, and Strider, leading one to assume Bilbo had worms), gets lost when a stunt goes wrong and winds up as the mascot of rundown fire department, where, of course, he learns to be a “real” dog and saves the day. Embarrassing attempts at broad comedy don’t help, while scenes where Rexxx shits into a stew — or is offered three painted lady poodles to have his way with — make us wonder who the real audience is supposed to be. —Juston Souther
Grindhouse (R) There’s one-half of a great movie here. Unfortunately, it’s not Quentin Tarantino’s. In an audacious move, Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez partnered to create this sprawling three-plus hours homage to the kind of exploitation schlock that used to adorn the screens of grindhouse theatres and drive-ins back in the 1970s. The movie is actually a double feature (including faux trailers by the guest directors) of Rodriguez’s splattery zombie flick Planet Terror and Tarantino’s female revenge saga Death Proof. Both are done in crashingly bad taste, but only Rodriguez is completely successful. His entry is fast, funny, absurd, and gross, while Tarantino’s untimately sinks itself in endless Tarantino-esque dialogues. —Ken Hanke
The Hoax (R) Lasse Hallström’s been the poster boy for tediously respectable awards-season fodder for so long that one assumed he’d never again come through with a film built on idiosyncratic energy. But here he is, helming the adaptation of Clifford Irving’s infamous adventures as a literary world charlatan. And damned if he doesn’t give The Hoax a quality you couldn’t ascribe to many previous Hallström films: fun. Richard Gere and Alfred Molina head a great cast — Hope Davis, Stanley Tucci, Marcia Gay Harden, Eli Wallach — but the real star here is Hallström’s direction. Add a wonderfully funky Carter Burwell score, and you’ve got something that rarely loses momentum. —Scott Renshaw
The Last Mimzy (PG) This film adaptation of Lewis Padgett’s 1943 short story “All Mimsy Were the Borogroves” (the title’s taken from Lewis Carroll’s “Jabberwocky”) is so insubstantial it threatens to evaporate right off the screen. I don’t reject the idea of New Age sci-fi -— in fact, a sequel called Mimzy Vs. Ramtha might work — but it doesn’t really work here, largely because it’s never clear how serious these elements are. What’s left is a sci-fi flick about saving the future via some advanced teaching toys. Strictly for the grade-school set. —Ken Hanke
Meet the Robinsons (G) Mildly diverting at best. The hook for this animated sci-fi flick lies in its “Real D” 3-D presentation, at least in theatres that support the format. The effect — a polarized process rather than anaglyphic 3-D — is indeed impressive and makes the film a pleasant novelty. What it doesn’t do is offer much appeal for anyone past the age of experiencing a major loss of social status unless he or she gets the tie-in lunchbox. Anyone else is apt to find the film a lightweight, overstuffed, and undercooked trifle. —Ken Hanke
The Namesake (PG-13) If you’re not a basketcase of sobby, sloppy tears of sadness and joy by the end of The Namesake, then I don’t know what’s wrong with you. It’s about one young Indian couple and how they dread to watch their American-born children grow up thoroughly American. But it’s really about that compromise that all parents and children negotiate that allows youngsters to be themselves while also honoring all that their ancestors have given them. And it is magnificent, as you would expect from filmmaker Mira Nair (Monsoon Wedding, Vanity Fair), whose perceptive eye for the tiny, overwhelming moments that make up a life once again creates a tapestry of emotion that is both delicate and gut-wrenching, and that haunts you long after the film is over. —MaryAnn Johanson
Pathfinder (R) With its perfect blend of plotlessness and complete lack of characterization, Pathfinder has a good chance of joining such films as The Beastmaster and The Running Man in constant basic cable rotation for the next 10 years. The film centers around Ghost (Karl Urban) a man of Norse decent who was abandoned in North America by a group of Viking invaders as a child. Fifteen years later, he finds himself joining a fight against another Viking raid. It’s Last of the Mohicans meets The Thirteenth Warrior meets Apocalyto, and the stupidity grows exponentially. For hardcore decapitation fans only. —Justin Souther
Perfect Stranger (PG-13) Here I was, expecting a big-screen version of the old Bronson Pinchot TV series Perfect Strangers and instead I get Halle Berry and Bruce Willis IMing each other (carefully saying aloud everything they type for all the illiterates in the audience), in what is supposed to be a sexy thriller. Problem is, it’s neither sexy nor thrilling. Berry’s a hotshot reporter out to prove that Willis murdered her best friend, meaning of course that she has to seduce him (as any reporter would do, natch). The big deal — besides the teaming of two stars with zero chemistry — is supposed to be the film’s trick ending, which is not only preposterous, but renders the first 90 minutes meaningless. —Justin Souther
Premonition (PG-13) When you’re dealing with dramas that use the notion of time travel as a metaphor for regret and loss, you’d better pay attention and not pretend that causality doesn’t matter. Premonition is in expansive company when it comes to lunkheaded attempts at temporal twists; only Twelve Monkeys and Primer have ever really demonstrated the intelligence to do it right. But the resolution screenwriter Bill Kelly settles on fails the causality test so miserably that it’s like some perverse logic test, and the attempt to weave a half-assed sub-plot about lost religious faith into the events feels like deus ex machina desperation. Premonition comes unstuck in time, then finds itself stuck in a loop it’s not smart enough to get out of. —Scott Renshaw
Reign Over Me (R) In Reign Over Me, Sandler plays a New Yorker whose wife and three daughters died in one of the hijacked planes on Sept. 11, 2001. In a movie with a tragically serious undercurrent, Sandler’s like an eight-year-old playing emotional dress-up in clothes that are way too big for him. In a sense, that makes him the perfect leading man for writer/director Mike Binder, whose movies are often amusing, but it makes this one an incredibly awkward viewing experience — because, in case I hadn’t already mentioned it, he’s using a national tragedy as the backdrop for his punch lines. The overriding sensibility that permeates Reign Over Me (apart from Don Cheadle’s charming performance) is lack of control over the material. —Scott Renshaw
Shooter (R) A solid performance from Mark Wahlberg and stylish direction from Antoine Fuqua can’t disguise the fact that Shooter is just an acceptable actioner laboring under the delusion that it’s something altogether more important — which perhaps explains why it’s 20 minutes too long and ends at least three times. Wahlberg plays an embittered ex-Marine sharpshooter who’s tricked into being the fall-guy for a presidential assassination attempt (whoops!), which sends him on the lam and off to prove his innocence, even if that requires blowing up half of America. This odd attempt to create a liberal-minded revenge fantasy never really jells, but it’s not unwatchable. —Ken Hanke
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