Real-Life Country Song O’ the Week:

A man reported that his ex-girlfriend showed up at a West Ashley business to argue. He went inside the business, but came back out when he noticed she had taken a bat from her car and was about to strike his windshield. He got in her way and she smacked him four times before he went back inside. He came back out later to find that his tire had been slashed. We don’t know the circumstances, but, “Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats.”

Crazy Perp O’ the Week: “I broke the law. I want the queen to pardon me.”

A West Ashley woman called for assistance after her estranged husband shoved her and damaged her camera. She told police she was taking pictures of him with another woman (a mutual friend) to use during their upcoming divorce hearing. Her husband had apparently hired a private eye to follow her and she wanted similar ammunition against him. If only Judge Judy did divorce court.

Drunk Excuse O’ the Week: “I’m not drunk, I’m just tipsy, tipsy.”

The manager of a West Ashley club received a phone call from an unknown man stating that there was a special agent in the bar who notified him that there was a woman who had been photographed flashing people in the bar. The caller told the manager that she would need to come to Washington, D.C., to testify in the case and that he was going to come down to the bar to bring her down to the station that night. She said no, so he said he’d have 15-20 uniformed officers at the business the next morning. While all of this was going on, the “special agent” left the bar and got in to an argument with one of the other patrons, eventually following the other man to Citadel Mall. The unknown caller then told the manager that the “special agent” was actually a mercenary and that he was carrying three knives. At this point, the manager ended the call. We can only guess she stayed on the line that long because of the man’s sexy voice.

Daniel Island Threat O’ the Week: “I know where you live! My mom told me!”

A man reported that his apartment had been vandalized last week, with ketchup poured out in the refrigerator, eggs broken in the washing machine, and toothpaste spread over the bathroom counter. That would be a crime if men actually ate anything without ketchup, cared what their clothes looked like, or ever used a toothbrush.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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