Blotter O’ the Week:

With so many gnomes entering the market after the Al Parish auction, it’s no surprise that we’re seeing a spike in gnome-related crimes. Last week, a man allegedly threw a gnome through the window of his girlfriend’s apartment when she wouldn’t open the door. He called later to say, “Did you see what I did?” A few more stories like this and we imagine the city will organize a gnome buy-back program.

Weapon O’ the Week:

Phone charger cord.

Two drivers trying to exit a downtown parking garage in the wee hours of the morning got in an argument over who should leave first. One driver, obviously intoxicated, began yelling and cursing. He then got out of his car and, shrugging off that male bravado, slapped the other man in the face. This was obviously the garage at the corner of Melrose Place and Wisteria Lane.

Excuse O’ the Week:

After being arrested for driving drunk, a man refused to sign the paperwork, claiming, “I don’t sign nothing with my real name.”

A man who had parked his car on a downtown street one recent afternoon returned to find someone sitting in the driver’s seat. When he approached his car, the man sitting inside said, “This is my car.” The owner disagreed, and the suspect exited the car and walked away. Dude, you left your car unlocked. You might as well have put a bow on it for the guy.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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