BLOTTER O’ the Week:

Police found a woman sitting near Waterfront Park with vomit on her hair and clothes. Sure, there’s short-term embarrassment, but she sounds perfect for Rock of Love II.

A high school student allegedly skipping class to smoke a joint was caught hiding underneath a car in the parking lot. Lesson No. 1: Smoke doesn’t come from the tailpipe unless the car’s running.

Malt Liquor O’ the Week:

32 oz. King Cobra.

A woman reported that her husband became irate with her when she wouldn’t give him the name of her lawyer. “Fuck you,” he allegedly told her. “I hate you. You get on my fucking nerves.” He then beat on her car, causing a large dent in one door. He’ll certainly find out her lawyer’s name now.

Police responded to a complaint of an armed robbery last week. A man claimed that he had purchased $20 worth of crack from this guy he knew, who also gave him an extra $5 worth. When the seller came to collect the extra $5, the victim refused. The man pulled a gun and took the $5 from the victim’s pocket. Who would have thought a crack dealer would stoop so low? Oh, right. Everybody.

Two CofC students came home to find that their roommates were having a party with 30-40 people. By the end of the night, their laptops were missing. Yeah, that excuse didn’t work for us either come test time.

Five-Finger Discount O’ The Week:

A hair salon’s weave.

A woman claimed her estranged husband was harassing her by calling and breathing heavily, making odd sounds, and playing music with references to killing. We’re not sure if we’d define the new Backstreet Boys song as an “odd sound” or a reference to killing, but we did think of death after hearing it.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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