Blotter O’ The Week:

Police were called to assist a woman who had apparently injured herself while drinking away the pain of losing her cat. Officers found her in the bedroom with a three inch cut on her forehead, clutching the dead cat in her arms and screaming, “I’m not going anywhere without (the cat).” Good thing this lonely heart has another 11 months before facing Valentine’s Day without Fluffy.

A West Ashley dealership reported a car stolen. A salesman had handed a woman keys to a Jeep on the lot before he stepped back inside for a minute. When he returned, she was gone with the keys. The dealership didn’t notice the car was missing until five days later. She’s sure to return the car as soon as she realizes the cost to fill the tank.

March Madness O’ The Week:

An avid basketball fan was charged with damaging a flat screen TV at a West Ashley bar. Owners alleged he threw his beer at the screen after his team lost. This is why we don’t invite friends over in March.

A man told police that he had locked himself out of his apartment and was only trying to climb through his window. Unfortunately, he’d climbed through his neighbor’s window instead, and she phoned police about the intruder. No charges were pressed, due to the apparent sincerity of his lame, barely plausible excuse.

Hygienic Theft O’ The Week

22 bottles of AXE Bodywash, 10 packs of Dove soap, and 30 deodorant sticks.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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