This is a message to all the people who are fretting about who is and who is not gay up at the Capitol in D.C. or down at the General Assembly in Columbia: Quit your worrying – they’re all gay. It’s like a rule or something. In fact, it’s right there in the oath of office that each one of them swears to. Most people don’t know about the line – swearing allegience to the gay mafia – but it’s there in the oath. And each office holder says it. They just say it under their breath. TiVo it or something. You’ll hear it. And once you do, you’ll realize that there’s no reason to be worrying about who’s straight or not at the Statehouse or in Washington and get on with your lives. As a member of the minority. Yeah, that’s right: all of your friends and neighborhoods are gay too. You just didn’t know it. It’s all part of the joke.

Stay cool. Support City Paper.

City Paper has been bringing the best news, food, arts, music and event coverage to the Holy City since 1997. Support our continued efforts to highlight the best of Charleston with a one-time donation or become a member of the City Paper Club.