BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: In a police report you never thought you’d read in these pages, a college student was arrested after more than a dozen drunk revelers threw snowballs at cars. The man said he’d been drinking, but he’d been drunker in the past. In an unrelated incident, a woman claimed she had been assaulted by a man who threw a snowball through her car window, hitting her in the head.

Threat O’ The Week: “Tools on deck, and I’m not talking about Home Depot.”

Asked his age, a 21-year-old accused of harassing a stranger told police, “I’m about three years older than I should be.” Don’t tell anyone, but there’s a fortune-telling machine on Coney Island that can fix that problem.

Items Stolen This Week: A bike, two GPS units, and 13 manhole covers.

In the midst of a DUI test, a suspect reportedly lost his balance, holding himself up with a Palmetto tree by the sidewalk. And here we thought their function was just as an alternative to the fire hydrant for our puppy.

Weapon O’ the Week: An unidentified kid’s toy.

A 24-year-old woman told police that she got in a fight with her mother over being claimed as a dependent on her mother’s tax return. Willie Nelson never had these kinds of problems.

In case you thought your Valentine’s Day was a disaster: A domestic dispute started when a woman’s boyfriend found out she got flowers from somebody else. Officers also responded to a call of a man trying to kill himself because he suspected that his wife was cheating on him with his brother.

A list of items stolen from a building in the Neck area included “rare garbage bags.” Unless they were used by Oscar the Grouch, we aren’t buying it.

Police were flagged down near the College of Charleston due to a man stumbling around drunk and exposing himself. As officers were trying to explain the charges, the man said, “You know you have better things to do than lock me up.” When a cop noted the man had been seen pulling his pants down and staggering around drunk, the suspect replied, “I did do that, but still, jail?”

A woman reported that someone broke her screen doors. She gave the police a suspect’s name that she thinks might have done it … maybe. “He could have been drunk and done something stupid like this,” she said, before noting, “If it wasn’t him, it could have been another one of my drunk friends.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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