WEAPON O’ THE WEEK: A woman was accused of throwing a child’s car seat through the window of her baby daddy’s house.

Only in an abandoned home: A suspect cornered in a home exited the building through a hole in the floor.

An ex-boyfriend was harassing a downtown woman, leaving messages like, “I’m going to get you,” “Watch your back,” and “I just want to talk.” We probably would have gone with that last one first.

A domestic dispute started when it was time to clean up after an NBA Finals party. We can say with reasonable confidence that Kobe would encourage you to make love, not war.

Police Report Quote O’ The Week: “The suspect looked very surprised, put the bong down, and then hung his head in a dejected manner.”

Asked if she was feeling the effects of two bottles and a half a pitcher of beer, a white Russian, and a lemon drop, a DUI suspect told officers, “No, I wish I was drunker.” She then said, “Please don’t put me in the room with …” before repeatedly telling herself to shut up.

Items Stolen This Week: A GPS unit, an iPod, a laptop, and the door handle to a Toyota Sienna

A man reporting a lost credit card was arrested for public intoxication after losing his balance and falling onto the officer taking the report, according to police. After his arrest, officers determined that the missing card was still in his wallet.

A woman arrested for loitering on Lucky Lane (King Street) admitted to officers, “I’m out here tonight doing it.” She also told officers she was “the safest prostitute out here — I always use protection.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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