BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A young man was arrested for public drunkenness 44 minutes after turning 21.

Threat O’ The Week: “Y’all see who y’all fucking with. I’m the right bitch to fuck with tonight.”

A man in a domestic dispute told officers that his girlfriend knocked his two front teeth out with a beer bottle. He then changed his story and said he’d tripped and fell into a door knob. Regardless, officers noted he had no blood on him, and it didn’t appear that his mouth had been injured recently.

Asked why he kept repeating an officer’s questions, a DUI suspect responded, “That’s what people do when they’re drunk.”

The victim in a hit and run told police the unknown suspect “looked like a construction worker.” It’s unknown whether he looked like a roadside construction worker or a Chippendales construction worker.

Stolen Items O’ The Week: Nine bikes, four GPS units, an iPod, a laptop, and a Jaguar hood ornament.

A man said his neighbor allegedly threatened him, alluding to books, movies, and TV shows “about situations like this that don’t end so well.” He also allegedly stated that in earlier eras, “I would have brought a sword over and I would have tried to cut your head off.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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