BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: On the one-year anniversary of a previous alleged assault, a man told police the suspect left him a message: “You think I broke your nose last time, but this time I’m going to break your face.”

There was a small altercation at a West Ashley department store after a woman spotted a former tenant who owed her mother some money. In confronting the man, she apparently upset the woman with him, who proceeded to yell at the victim and allegedly took a swing at her in the checkout line before fleeing the scene. Hey, a holiday shopping incident that doesn’t involve a Pillow Pet or a Zhu Zhu. We call that progress.

Items Stolen This Week: Two GPS units, an iPod, a bike, and a laptop.

Quote O’ The Week: “Man, I’m just relieving myself.”

Responding to reports of a makeshift camp at a peninsula park, officers found a man who said he’d been sleeping there for a while now. He told officers, “A park is where things sleep, man.”

A cabbie was driving his fare downtown when a 34-year-old reveler stepped into the road and threw a football into the windshield. According to witnesses, two other men at the scene tried to drag him away, saying “he’s not with us” before they took the football and left him there.

Officers questioned a man seen walking into traffic downtown. The man told officers, “Yeah, I’m drunk.” Asked how much he had to drink, he slurred, “A shit ton,” according to officers. The man also urinated on himself. The report doesn’t state how much, but we’ll assume there was a shit ton of that, too.

A woman threatened her former employer, telling him, “You will not see your mother on Christmas Day. I know bad people.” Officers have subpoenaed Santa’s naughty list to narrow down the suspect pool.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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