BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A downtown tourist reported three cocktail dresses went missing from the closet in her hotel room. Obviously, the other girls left Miranda at home, yet again.

A DUI suspect allegedly admitted he’d had a few drinks at a Market Street bar, but said he was driving his grandmother’s car and she was “rushing me to come back home.” That’s because the bingo parlor tends to close a few hours earlier than your pub.

Correction O’ the Week: “Heroin? That’s not heroin. That’s coke.”

Items Stolen This Week: Two bikes, an iPod, a GPS unit, and a laptop.

Suspicious that a DUI suspect didn’t know where he was, an officer asked the driver what road he was on. The man had to ask his passenger “who he had just met that evening.” The officer stopped the car in West Ashley, heading toward Dorchester County, but the driver was convinced he was just around the corner from the James Island Connector downtown.

Preparing to administer a field sobriety test, an officer asked the suspect whether he had any physical conditions that could impact the results. “Yeah. Bad knee, bad ankle, bad all sorts of stuff … bad back.” Asked if he knew his alphabet, the man said, “Sure, A B C D E F G H I C … A B C D E F G H I … A B C D E F G H … You know, I haven’t done it for a long time.” Later, the officer attempted to administer a Breathalyzer test, asking if the suspect needed to use the restroom or if he would be OK for the next half-hour. The man responded, “I’ll tell you in a half-hour.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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