As we roll into the heart of Charleston Comedy Festival weekend, we here at the City Paper are preparing for late nights, beer, shots, and stoner food (not that we’re necessarily stoners, mind you). While we love haute cuisine and pan-seared scallops, we also crave the crap you generally eat late at night after you’ve had a couple pints too many. And it doesn’t have to be crap. There is an art to this kind of fare. Don’t believe us? Just ask Anthony Bourdain, who proclaimed on Top Chef this week that the winning dish (essentially bacon and eggs) was the ultimate stoner food — hearty and delicious with the necessary amount of meaty.

In honor of Comedy Fest, our afterparty sponsor Mellow Mushroom on King Street will be serving up copious amounts of slices, priced at a mere two bucks a pop. You can expect plenty of comedians to be getting their fill come midnight. The kitchen will be open until 1 a.m., if you’re so inclined — and we hope you are.

Further up King Street at A.C.’s Bar and Grill, they serve the full menu until 1:30 a.m. You could get a basket of fries topped with cheese or chili, loaded nachos, or some chicken fingers. But if we had to pick just one thing on the menu to eat, it’d be the Philly cheesesteak. Guaranteed to stick to your ribs and offset that morning hangover.

A few doors down, Closed For Business will make you feel like you’re in a ski lodge, and the food is perfectly calibrated for the snobbier beer drinkers in the crowd. The kitchen is open until midnight every Friday and Saturday night. Order some buffalo oysters and crispy green beans for the table, but for yourself? Get that supremely satisfying Pork Slap, a pork cutlet sandwich that has no peer in this town. Porkalicious.

On Morrison Drive, the Tattooed Moose kitchen is open every night until 1 a.m. They’ve recently overhauled the menu, and Mike Kulick is smoking his own meats in-house these days. That means you can order a Texas barbecue beef brisket and avoid a trip to the Waffle House for a T-bone and eggs. And it’ll be even more satisfying. (Of course, the Duck Club should not be ignored. It’s even more legendary than the Pork Slap.)

If you find yourself hungry after 2 a.m., head over to West Ashley’s Early Bird Diner. They’re open until 4 a.m. on Friday and Saturday nights, serving up a full breakfast and dinner menu. For the big appetites, we’d recommend the chicken and waffles ($9), which comes with two large chicken breasts fried in pecan flour with a side of fresh, housemade waffles. Oh, and if it’s still Flapjack Friday when you show up, feel free to gorge on as many stacks as you can stuff in your piehole for a mere $5. They dare you.

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