Five-Finger Finger Licking Good Theft O’ the Week: A man was accused of stuffing a package of chicken and a package of bacon down the front of his pants. They also found a bottle of Kraft Zesty Italian salad dressing in his pocket.

Items Stolen This Week: 12 bikes, seven iPods, five GPS units, and a laptop.

A woman stopped her car at an intersection downtown, got out, and mooned a man walking down the sidewalk nearby. An off-duty firefighter saw the incident and contacted police while he followed her home. Charged with disorderly conduct, the woman says that the man on the sidewalk was a friend and she just wanted to “have a little fun with him.”

A man claimed his neighbors were harassing him because he wanted to take down a fence. Whenever he started to work on it, he said they would videotape him while yelling and call him “several degrading names.” Cameras, yelling, and degrading names? That’s just a day in the life of Snooki.

Picking up some of his sister’s stuff from their uncle, a young man was irate about a missing $20 check. “If I come back and her check ain’t here, I’m going to clean the whole house.” Now, is this a mob-style cleaning or a maid-style cleaning?

A man suspected of public drunkenness kept telling the officer, “I’m drunk. Just slap me in the face.”

When a local man was arrested, his girlfriend got a hold of his phone and found naked pictures of another woman. The man was released the next day, but police were notified when the two got in an argument over the pictures. “I was in jail all last night. I don’t care to go back,” said the man, dressed only in his boxers. “Fuck this, I’m getting dressed.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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