While a man was sitting in a restaurant with his lady friend, he watched a stranger walk up and steal the decorative candle from their table. A fight broke out, and the stranger ended up head-butting the man and getting away.

During an argument in his apartment, an angry man punched out a TV screen and cracked a glass patio door with his elbow. Dude was kicking glass and taking names.

After getting pulled over for a busted tail light, a man told police he was sober. He had an open Big Gulp cup of booze in the car with him, along with a cap from a syringe he said he had used to inject himself with bath salts.

A cop spotted a nervous-looking man leaning into the open door of an abandoned vehicle. He stood behind the man for three minutes before the man turned around, at which point the officer asked what he was doing. “I ain’t doing nothing!” replied the man, who returned to rummaging through the vehicle until he was arrested for loitering.

The Things They Shoplifted: Four blouses, two cans of beer, several bags of shaving razors, and a package of sandwich meat.

Police looked inside an abandoned building and found a stark-naked woman and a man wearing shorts.

A woman claims that her ex-boyfriend has been texting her incessantly and sending her unwanted gifts, then demanding that old gifts be returned after they mysteriously disappear. Recently, he texted her to say, “Don’t be surprised if the aquarium contacts you” because he had named a turtle after her.

After refusing to leave a bar, a tipsy college student would only tell the cops, “I live up there!” He repeated this over and over again and never elaborated further.

A woman found a hole punched in the side of her above-ground swimming pool, and she suspects her homeowner’s association manager was behind it.

Somebody stole nearly $3,000 from the safe at a marina. If it was an employee, he’s definitely getting his pay docked.

Drunk and Disorderly Quote o’ the Week: A man who had been found lying in the bushes behind a restaurant told police officers, “I can admit I’m drunk, but y’all are stupid.” Once he was arrested, he banged his head on the plexiglass cruiser window several times.

Unenviable Position o’ the Week: Passed out behind the wheel at a traffic light with a suspended driver’s license and an open bottle of beer between one’s legs.

Someone left a pickup truck parked at the mall overnight with two duffle bags full of clothes and a bulletproof vest in the bed.

A man suspects that his neighbor stole his push lawnmower, but police have been unable to call on the neighbor at his house because he is currently incarcerated.

When asked where he was coming from, a driver told police he had just left a friend’s apartment. When asked who the friend was, he replied, “Oh, I don’t know his real name.”

A man is accused of breaking a gun into pieces and throwing them at his ex-girlfriend’s car.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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