Blotter o’ the Week: During a domestic dispute, a man grabbed an axe and smashed two bedroom windows, a dresser mirror, the glass doors on a kitchen hutch, several ceramic pots, and his boyfriend’s laptop computer.

A man vomited over the porch railing of a bar, stumbled off down the sidewalk, and then peed in a parking lot. When police asked the man how much he had had to drink that evening, he said, “I’m not drunk, but I’m not sober.”

Family Feud o’ the Week: A man says his brother punched him in the face while they were riding the elevator in a parking garage.

Somebody broke into a backyard shed and stole three fishing rods with reels, a saw, a sander, a drill, and a staple gun. The thief sounds like a real tool.

After having her moped stolen, a woman told police that she knew of two suspects who had been eyeballing her ride recently, but she only knew them by their nicknames, “Coke” and “Rag.”

Employee o’ the Week: When asked what he was holding in his hand, a man said, “Just a blunt. I was about to smoke it before I go to work.”

A man approached a construction worker at his job site, wielded a hammer, and demanded that the worker give him his wallet. When the worker refused, the man hit him in the back of the head with the hammer and ran off.

A man attached his bicycle to a rack with a cable lock, left it unattended for 11 hours, and discovered it was missing when he returned. A word to the wise: If you’re going to ride a bike downtown, buy a U-lock.

Police pulled a man over for changing lanes without a turn signal and discovered that he was driving without a license or insurance in a car with another vehicle’s license plate on it. The man was also carrying 4 grams of weed and had an active warrant in North Charleston. That’ll teach him to use a turn signal.

Class War o’ the Week: A woman heard a loud pop one night and discovered the next morning that someone had put a sizeable hole in her car’s rear window. According to a police report, the woman “believes that several residents of her apartment complex … are envious because she resides in a much coveted two-bedroom unit.”

A police officer wrote in an incident report that he “was able to detain the Offender without using any elevated level of force.” Oooooooh. Touché.

While he was being pulled over for drinking alcohol while driving, a man threw his bottle of beer out the window. When the officer asked what he had thrown out, the man replied, “A soda.” The cop then found nine open beer cans and bottles on the man’s floorboard.

Stolen From Vehicles This Week: A Seal Pup pocket knife, a GPS unit, a $350 skimboard, a car stereo, and a loaded semiautomatic pistol.

A group of 60 to 70 juveniles were acting disorderly and blocking traffic while hanging out in the mall parking lot. When a cop arrived on the scene, the kids began to curse him out, and one of them was heard saying, “Dumb white cops have nothing better to do with your time than to mess with black kids.”

All-Time Low o’ the Week: A very drunk man was seen walking in traffic on King Street, nearly causing several car accidents. When police approached him, they realized the man had pee on the front of his pants.

After a bouncer threw out two friends who had gotten unruly while drinking in a bar, the two men got in a fight, which ended when one man punched the other one in the face and ran off. When police arrived, they found the man who had been punched lying on the sidewalk with blood coming from his ears and mouth.

Crack Cocaine Hiding Place o’ the Week: In a man’s hair, under his hat.

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