Blotter o’ the Week: Police are looking a white female with brown hair and glasses, who is accused of writing “Hail Satan” on the door frame of a King Street store, as a man with reddish hair, a full beard, and tatooed arms watched on. The store owner told police he’s been involved in a feud with another nearby store for months.

A man police stopped for looking suspicious, said “Fuck y’all motherfuckers, I ain’t stopping for no police.” Then he ran, yelling, “Look at these pigs chasing me.” As the officers chased him, he stopped and put up his dukes, telling them, “Not without a fight, y’all ain’t taking me to jail.” But, in the end, the would-be pugilist spent time in jail.

Around 10 p.m., an officer happened to see a man swigging a can of Miller High Life near a house where he didn’t live. When the guy saw the cop coming he tried to hide his beer in a bag of pork rinds. It didn’t work. The officer busted him on an open container violation, gave him a court date, and took the beer can as evidence. No word on the pork rinds.

Got heroin on you? Then don’t walk around Hanover and Shepard Streets at an “accelerated pace” looking “nervous” and “uncomfortable” — especially if your friendly local law enforcement officer is around. Cops shook down a guy for doing just that around 4 p.m. Asked if he had drugs on him, the man said, “Ya, man, but it’s not what you’re thinking it is.” Turns out it was two baggies of brown heroin worth about $20 on the street.

Police are looking for guys and girls who might have had a sleepover in a tent pitched on the roof of an elementary school. Security footage shows men throwing a tent and poles up on the roof, and later, some girls coming around with pillows.

When the police pulled over a man for having an obstructed license plate, the officer noticed the smell of marijuana. When asked if the driver had anything in the car that might get him in trouble, cops say the driver told them, “I have two nickle bags of marijuana in the door handle.”

Things went south for a drunken man who dialed 911, saying he’d been beaten up at a pizza shop on King Street. When the cops came, restaurant staff had a different story: he’d fallen down and smashed his face, then came in screaming obscenities and slinging racial slurs. Restaurant workers said they tried to serve the foul-mouthed customer but later gave him the boot. As the cops were talking to him outside, the man shouted a racial epithet at a black passerby.

Stolen from cars this week: A Craftsman skill saw worth $20, a Dewalt palm sander worth $50, and a black cylinder full of receipts. From another car: a birth certificate, a social security card, a debit card, and a pharmacy technician certificate.

A gas station employee called the cops who came and busted a man trying to use a fake $1 bill. The counterfeiter said he got the funny money from his brother, who goes by the nickname Mouse.

A police officer noticed a man “standing abnormally and suspiciously close to a wooden wall” outside an establishment on Upper King Street. The officer rolled up to take a better look. That’s when the cop saw it: “a flowing stream of liquid that appeared consistent with urine” directly beneath where the man had been standing. The officer slapped him with a disorderly conduct charge.

A man told police this week that someone had apparently stolen his credit card information. The thief made about $320 in fraudulent payments to Pets 360, and about $300 at

If you’re cruising around stoned, best to wear your seatbelt. This unfortunate reality hit home for a local man this week when a cop noticed the metal seatbelt clasp hanging from the door of a truck he passed. When the officer pulled the man over, the truck’s cab smelled like weed. The driver told the cop he’d “Just taken a few puffs,” and turned over his pipe and a bag of the green stuff.

Fast food cash: After some customers complained they’d been overcharged, a manager at a local fast food joint did some sniffing around. She found one of the cashiers had been charging customers who paid with cards $10 more than she should have, and was was snatching $10 out of the register each time. All in all, the fast food bandit nabbed about $150 before she was caught.

Cops on patrol noticed two young men with hoodies walking “in a suspicious manner” on Sam Rittenberg Blvd. They split when they saw the cops, and that was apparently enough reasonable suspicion to give chase. The officers stopped the young men, and a search of the area turned up a rusty shotgun under a camouflage jacket in a bush. One of the men had a 20-gauge shotgun shell in a pocket.

A man told police that as he was leaving the home of his Alcoholics Anonymous sponsor, someone grabbed him from behind, spun him around, and punched him in the face.

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