State Sen. Thomas Alexander is a pussy.
And so is Sen. Karl Allen.
And Sean Bennett.
And Lee Bright.
And Kevin Bryant.
And Chip Campsen.
And Raymond Cleary.
And Creighton Coleman.
And Tom Corbin.
And John Courson.
And Tom Davis.
And Chauncey Gregory.
And Larry Grooms.
And Robert Hayes.
And Greg Hembree.
And Brad Hutto.
And Darrell Jackson.
And Marlon Kimpson.
And Hugh Leatherman.
And Joel Lourie.
And Gerald Malloy.
And Larry Martin.
And Shane Martin.
And Shane Massey.
And John Matthews.
And Harvey Peeler.
And Glenn Reese.
And Nikki Setzler.
And Katrina Shealy.
And Vincent Sheheen.
And Paul Thurmond.
And Ross Turner.
And Kent Williams.
And Tom Young.
Each one of these sorry ass motherfuckers is a pussy of the highest order. They’re afraid of clowns. They’re scared of going to sleep without a light on. They have to close their eyes during Scary Movie — and it’s a motherfucking comedy. To a man, they are all purringest of pussies.
In fact, from now own I refuse to refer to each one of them by the title of senator. Instead, I’ll refer to them as Pussy Alexander.
And Puss. Allen.
And Puss. Bennett.
And Puss. Bright
And Puss. Bryant.
And Puss. Campsen.
And Puss. Cleary.
And Puss. Coleman.
And Puss. Corbin.
And Puss. Courson.
And Puss. Davis.
And Puss. Gregory.
And Puss. Grooms.
And Puss. Hayes.
And Puss. Hembree.
And Puss. Hutto.
And Puss. Jackson.
And Puss. Kimpson.
And Puss. Leatherman.
And Puss. Lourie.
And Puss. Malloy.
And Puss. Martin.
And Puss. Massey.
And Puss. Matthews.
And Puss. Peeler.
And Puss. Reese.
And Puss. Setzler.
And Puss. Shealy.
And Puss. Sheheen.
And Puss. Thurmond.
And Puss. Turner.
And Puss. Williams.
And Puss. Young.
And the reason for all of this? Well, yesterday each one of these pussies voted to allow concealed weapons permit holders to bring their concealed weapons into bars and restaurants — just so long as those permit holders pinkie swear to no one but themselves that they won’t drink.
Of course, that in and of itself doesn’t make these elected pussies, you know, pussies. It just makes them cocksuckers who knell and bob whenever the NRA or some loony gun rights group tells them to.
They’re pussies because the men and women of the state Legislature have banned concealed weapons permit holders from bringing their lawfully acquired firearms to the Statehouse, the place where pussies like Vincent Sheheen, Chip Campsen, and Marlon Kimpson vote in favor of legislation allowing gun owners to do the same in to the workplaces of scores of F&B workers.
Now, I’d be willing to bet that Sheheen and his fellow General Assembly pussies have a good reason why they don’t toallow folks to bring guns to the Statehouse — they’re afraid of getting fucking shot.
Well, you know what, a lot of other people are too, especially those folks who work at bars where tempers often flare over the silliest and stupidest things and then all hell breaks loose. Fists fly, bottles are broken, and no, thanks to the Second Amendment pussies in S.C. Senate, bullets will fly too. Fuck them. Love Best of Charleston? Help the Charleston City Paper keep Best of Charleston going every year with a donation. Or sign up to become a member of the Charleston City Paper club.