Whether you’re a member of the “small, ruling, entrenched minority” or an out-of-state reality-TV celebutante shipped in for the amusement of the plebeian masses, we’re sure you can all find something to relate to in the world premiere of Southern Charm.

Say what? You live in Charleston and you don’t fall into either of those categories? Well, at least you can use the premiere as an excuse to do some boozing. Here’s the definitive drinking game for the Holy City’s biggest hate-watching event of the year:

Take a sip of sweet tea vodka if:

• You hear any variant of the phrase “Do you know who my daddy is?”
• A golf cart is driven in a non-golf environment
• Somebody wears seersucker
• Any character is referred to as a “man-whore”
• The sweet tea gets spiked
• You see a church steeple
• Boat shoes

Take a Shot of Grand Ma if:

• Somebody mentions the War of Northern Aggression
• Anyone romanticizes plantation culture
• The phrase “man-child” is used
• The rules of chivalry are debated
• Gallivanting takes place on King Street
• People start shagging, in any sense of the word
• You experience class envy

Down a Jaeger Bomb if:

• A paternity test is mentioned
• Somebody “didn’t come here to make friends”
• A man wears a tuxedo bikini
• Somebody calls for a duel
• A real Southerner says, “That’s not how we act like down here”
• Someone drinks champagne

Love Best of Charleston?

Help the Charleston City Paper keep Best of Charleston going every year with a donation. Or sign up to become a member of the Charleston City Paper club.