Dumb Graffiti o’ the Week: Somebody spray-painted a parrot and the words “Pay-Rot” on the sides of two different buildings in the past week. Somebody also spray-painted the word “G-Funts” nearby on one of the buildings.

An officer in a patrol vehicle pulled over in a residential area after smelling marijuana in the air and stopped a man who was trying to walk away. While frisking the man, the officer found a plastic bag sticking out of the man’s pants pocket, and the man said, “Go ahead and take it out, man, I’m not going to waste your time.” The bag contained 17 smaller sandwich bags containing about a gram of weed apiece. The man said those bags go for just five bucks apiece.

Somebody stole a leaf blower from the bed of a pickup truck. What the heck are you going to do with a leaf blower?

A change machine was reported missing from a movie theater arcade. If caught, the thief will be given no quarter.

The giant chocolate milk bottle next to the Coburg Cow on Savannah Highway fell over last weekend. We’re still pretty shaken up about it.

Round Trip o’ the Week: A woman got in a taxi downtown and asked to be taken to an address on Johns Island. After arriving there, the woman told the driver to take her to another Johns Island address, where she walked into a residence and then got back in the cab and asked to be taken back to her home downtown. The driver told her the fare was $100, and she handed him $60 and then ran into her house.

A man was approached on the sidewalk by a woman who asked him if he had change for a $100 bill. He gave it to her and realized later that she had given him a counterfeit Benjamin. He spotted the woman later in the day in the same area and confronted her about it, but she walked away and got into an orange vehicle. Discretion is the name of the game in the counterfeit business, y’all.

All-Time Low o’ the Week: After crashing her car into a utility pole, a woman told police that she had not had anything to drink and said, “All I was doing was looking down and texting a friend.” But since the woman was slurring her words and smelled like alcohol, the officer asked her to step out of the car and take a field sobriety test. After failing the test, she was arrested on a DUI charge and taken to the hospital, where she tried to get the officer to go into the bathroom with her and take her on a date. Later, while the officer was driving her to jail, she said, “If you let me go, I will give you a lap dance and rock your world.” The officer declined her offer.

A man applied for a part-time clerk job and received a text message from someone who promised to pay him $250 a week for it. The person who sent the text message then sent him a check for $2,944 and told the job applicant to send him the money back using prepaid money cards. The man did what he was told, deposited the check, and later found out that the check was fraudulent.

Somebody broke into a house and rummaged through the closets and jewelry drawers. The perpetrator also seems to have opened the cabinet under the sink and opened a container of dried bananas. The only thing reported missing from the house was a pair of diamond earrings.

When a police officer confronted a man who had walked down an alley to pee on a wall, the man said, “I am urinating at home. Why are you bothering me? I am on my property and I am at home.” The officer arrested him on charges of public drunkenness and public urination, but the man continued to insist that he had actually been in his own bathroom urinating. At one point, he said, “I do what I want. I pee wherever the fuck I please.”

YOLO Moment o’ the Week: A woman who was caught shoplifting a ring from a department store said she did it “for the thrill of the moment.”

Somebody stole a sago palm tree from the front yard of a house.

Police walked up to a car that was parked in traffic with the door open and found a man slumped over with an open bottle of beer, some marijuana, and some heroin in the car with him. There was a juvenile girl in the backseat. She was handed over to her mother.

Weed Stash o’ the Week: A man hid 23 grams of weed in a fast-food bag under some chicken nuggets and several packets of mustard and ketchup. Part of us really hopes he was planning to sell the whole bag as a combo deal.

A guy walked into the dressing room at a department store and put on a pair of swim trunks under his pants, then tried to walk out of the store wearing them.

Stolen From Homes This Week: A pressure washer, a lawnmower, two chainsaws, two string trimmers, a hedge trimmer, a slide saw, a miter saw, and a pair of diamond earrings.

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