Blotter o’ the Week:Officers approached a man who “smelled of burned marijuana and also had glossy, bloodshot eyes.” When asked if he could be searched, the man replied, “I don’t even smoke, but you good, you can search me.” The officers found it odd that the man had on jeans, pajama pants, boxers, and a pair of boxer briefs. The man panicked and said, “I only got on three pairs of pants not four.” When officers searched his waistline the man began screaming, “Go get granny. They trying to get me.”

Stolen From Homes This Week: $2,500 worth of copper wire, $800 in copper piping, a $5 brass pipe, $1,090 worth of fine jewelry, $60 in cash, a house key, three televisions, and a blanket.

An officer stopped a man for switching lanes without proper signaling. The officer observed a clear plastic bag hanging out of the man’s pocket containing a “green leafy substance.” The man stated, “I just bought it for my wife’s health condition.”

Mooch o’ the Week: When a bouncer asked a man to leave the club for drinking on a private party’s tab, the man punched the bouncer in the face and started an altercation. The bouncer did not have any visible injuries whereas the instigator suffered abrasions on his face.

While an officer was speaking to a man suspected of public intoxication, the man began to unbuckle his belt and undo his pants. When asked why he was doing that, the man replied that he was about to get in the vehicle. The officer noticed a puddle of liquid and asked if he had urinated next to the vehicle to which the man responded, “Well, not yet.”

A drunken man, wearing a Green Bay Packers hat and carrying a cane, became aggressive and belligerent when asked to leave a gas station for harassing other customers and the clerk on duty. He became even more belligerent and verbally abusive when the officer advised him that he would be on trespass notice for the gas station. His response: “Fuck you, bitch, you dirty redneck slut. I don’t want to go back there anyway. Fuck those crackers.” Crackers 1, Cheeseheads 0.

A woman left her purse at a restaurant and received calls from her credit card company to advise her of unauthorized transactions. Her purse contained various credit cards, a diamond and emerald necklace ($1,000), a white gold pin ($300), gold post earrings ($500), a gold cluster ring ($8,465), and $80 in cash.

An officer noticed a man sleeping in the bushes outside of someone’s house. When the officer asked why he was sleeping on someone else’s property, the man became angry stating, “Why are you fucking with me when I’m at my own house?” The officer discovered that the man did not reside at that location, and he was charged with trespassing and public intoxication.

Frat Party o’ the Week: A house party ended when a police officer arrived on the scene. The officer witnessed close to 100 people leaving the party. When he approached a few of the remaining partygoers, they took off running. Someone threw a piece of wood at the officer during the chase. One of the arrested offenders apologized, “I’m sorry for running, sir. I don’t know which one of those guys threw that piece of wood at you. I know I’m 19, and I shouldn’t have been there in the first place.”

Officers responded to a call from citizens complaining about an intoxicated man. When asked to find his ID, the man asked, “Are y’all seeing what I am seeing?” He later advised officers that he took DXM: “I was tripping hard. It was like being in the Matrix. I was standing still and everything was moving by me.” And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you always take the blue pill.

An officer cited a minor for public intoxication when the officer observed the girl and her friends heading for a sorority party at a club. The girl stated she did not have an ID, and when the officer asked how she planned on getting into the club without one, she said, “I am going in under 21.” When she heard the officer run her last name over the radio, she corrected him — “You spelled my name wrong,” and proceeded to give him the correct spelling.

Officers responded to a complaint about a woman trespassing at a fast-food restaurant. She had several bags of clothing, a pumpkin pie, and several bottle caps filled with soda on the table. The officer told the woman she was being placed under arrest for trespassing. She became angry and spilled all of the bottle caps of soda. She then began yelling, “I work here. I’m the ambassador of the lobby.”

Entrepreneur o’ the Week: A man received a citation for selling mistletoe without a peddler’s permit. When approached by the officer, the man stated, “I know I’m not supposed to be selling, but these people are just offering me money for the mistletoe, so I take it.” While the officer was writing the citation, the man told several passerbys, “He’s just writing me a ticket for peddling with no permit. It’s okay.”

A police officer approached a man for yelling and cussing toward a group of people on the other side of a parking garage. The offender attempted to quickly walk away, but the officer caught up to him and smelled alcohol. The officer arrested the man for disorderly conduct, at which point the man became aggressive, stating, “I can’t wait ’til you die so you can burn in hell.”

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