"American Snipe Hunter" leads Academy Award nominations

So the nominations for the 2015 Academy Awards were announced today, and while they more or less mirror the nominations for the Golden Globes and the AVN Awards, as a whole they account for a drastically different lineup than in years past. Gone are the historical dramas, the inspirational biopics, the obligatory box-office-friendly blockbusters, and the half-baked art house treats. In their place, you’ll find the most exciting list of nominations in years. I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait for Oscar night.

Best Picture
“American Snipe Hunter”
“Harvey Birdman and Space Ghost”
“Yeah, Boyhood: The Flava Flav Story”
“The Grand Budapest Hostel”
“The Reindeer Game”
“Velma”
“The Theory of Evolution: It’s Just a Theory”
“Whip Its”

Clint Eastwood’s griping “American Snipe Hunter” is the odds-on favorite to win this award, according to two dudes scarfing down all the cheese at the craft service table on the set of “Annie 2: Miss Hannigan’s Revenge.” But “The Grand Budapest Hostel” stormed into theaters in late November, stealing hearts and kidneys and lungs and livers. However, there just might be dark horse — er, reindeer — candidate in this year’s race. The Academy loves a message movie, and “The Reindeer Game” has the most timely message around: just be your-elf even if they medically castrate you for it.

Best Director
Eli Roth, “The Grand Budapest Hostel”
Williams Street “Harvey Birdman and Space Ghost”
Lee Daniels, “Yeah, Boyhood: The Flava Flav Story”
Mick Foley, “Sockcatcher”
Clint Eastwood, “American Snipe Hunter”

Although horror auteur Roth scored his first critically acclaimed hit with the dark indie drama “The Grand Budapest Hostel,” it’s doubtful that no matter how much the Academy loves this film they won’t be able to forgive him for the Netflix drama, “Hemlock Grove.” Look for ex-wrestler and first-time director Mick Foley to score one with his meta-movie about an ex-wrestler-turned-Hollywood-director who is haunted by his old WWE alter-ego, a brute named Mankind who wears a stinky sock on his hand.

Best Actress
Marion Cotillard, “One Fish, Two Fish”
Chelsea Noble, “The Theory of Evolution: It’s Just a Theory”
Julianne Moore, “Still Alkie”
Bruce Jenner, “Gone Gurl”
Scarlett Johansson, “Mild”

Who know that Dr. Seuss’s true muse would turn out to be Marion Cotillard? Not this grinch, that’s for sure. But you have to admit that even Cotillard’s passionate performance as a rhyming couplet couldn’t save “One Fish, Two Fish” from Davy Jones’s locker. Which is why we’re all but certain that Scarlett Johansson has this award all locked up thanks to her wonderfully flat turn as a soul-less robot in a permanent state of walking catatonia.

Best Actor
Steve Carell, “Sockcatcher”
Rainn Wilson, “American Snipe Hunter”
Kirk Cameron, “The Theory of Evolution: It’s Just a Theory”
Micheal Pare, “Harvey Birdman and Space Ghost”
Hermey the Elf, “The Reindeer Game”

Little did anyone suspect back in 1987 that the one-time Mike Seaver would become a big screen idol … and then unceremoniously fall from grace in the most public manner possible — friends don’t let their friends date J. Lo. While Cameron showed some true talent behind the camera in his directorial debut, “The Way of the Master,” no one was expecting to him to emerge as perhaps Hollywood’s most gifted auteur and actor with “The Theory of Evolution: It’s Just a Theory.” The scene with the banana alone is one for the ages.

Best Supporting Actress
Brigitte Nielsen, “Yeah, Boyhood: The Flava Flav Story”
RuPaul, “Mild”
Baby New Year, “The Reindeer Game”
Mila Kunis, “Harvey Birdman and Space Ghost”
Michelle Yeoh, “Into the Dragon”

In 2015, Michelle Yeoh stunned audiences around the world with her performance as the evil witch in Ang Lee’s kung fu adaptation of Grimm’s fairy tales, and Vegas odds are in her favor despite her inability to hit a single note — not a one. But if I had to bet the farmhand, I’d hand him over to Nielsen for her griping, warts-and-all turn as herself in “Yeah, Boyhood.”

Best Supporting Actor
Wilford Brimley, “The Diabetes”
Vern Troyer, “Yeah, Boyhood: The Flava Flav Story”
Clint Howard, “Harvey Birdman and Space Ghost”
Mark Ruffalo, “Sockcatcher”
Mark Allen Mothersbaugh, “Whip It”

If there’s one sure bet on Oscar night, it’s that Clint Howard will join the illustrious ranks of Cuba Gooding Jr., Louis Gossett Jr., and Haing S. Ngor. This statue’s for you, Space Ghost, coast to motherfucking coast.

Best Adapted Screenplay
James Franco, “Inherent Lice”
James Franco, “Whip It”
James Franco, “American Snipe Hunter”
God, “The Theory of Evolution: It’s Just a Theory”
James Franco, “The Reindeer Game”

Fact: James Franco thinks he’s God so he wins no matter what.

Best Original Screenplay
Wes Craven, “The Grand Budapest Hostel”
Freddy Prinze Jr. and Bob Mould, “Sockcatcher”
Chris Claremont, “Nightcrawler”
Matthew Cody Foster, Will Dove, Mark Farley, Lars Von Trier, Smarf, and the rest of “Too Many Cooks,” “Harvey Birdman and Space Ghost”
Dirt McGirt, “Yeah, Boyhood: The Flava Flav Story”

Danish director Lars Von Trier has been nominated for this category before, but never before has he worked alongside such a seasoned crew of sitcom stereotypes. Expect the Academy to award Von Trier in part because of his newfound sobriety, his second-life as a blueberry pie, and the promise that we’ll never have to sit through a torture-porn shit-show like “The Antichrist” ever again. Put the knife down lady. Put it down.

Best Foreign Language Film
“You Didn’t See It”
“Man, I Hate Subtitles”
“A Red Fucking Balloon, Seriously”
“Das Bootie”
“Olive Garden’s Culinary Institute of Tuscany”

Much like last year’s winner, this year’s champ will sit in your Netflix queue for five months before you delete it to make room for the new season of “Dance Moms.”

Best Documentary Feature
“Fuck You, Hitler”
“Michael Moore Presents My Colonoscopy”
“The Bible”
“Jack Chick: Tract Star”
“Ebola Beach Memories”

Look for Werner Herzog to win one with his doc about one man’s dream to turn Auschwitz into a theme park, “Fuck You, Hitler,” with little more than winnings from a scratch-off lottery card and an addiction to huffing paint. Once again, Herzog has successfully captured a mentally ill man on film and subjected him to international ridicule — will this be the year that the Academy awards him for his efforts? The grizzly bear that ate Timothy Treadwell gives it two paws up.

Best Animated Feature
“Frozen”
“Frozen”
“Frozen”
“Frozen”
“Frozen

Although this movie was released in 2013, Academy voters still can’t let it go.