Blotter o’ the Week: When a police officer asked a man about the razor blade in his car’s center console that had white powdery residue on it, the man said he used it to shave. However, he did not have as good of an explanation for the two crack rocks on his car’s floorboard.

A woman says she checked her $10,000 mink coat at the door of a hotel ballroom during an event, but when she came back to retrieve the coat, it was nowhere to be found. A banquet manager told police that none of the hotel’s employees were checking coats that day but that there was a coat closet available.

When police told a man to move along after he tried to start a fight on the sidewalk, the man replied, “I pay your salary, and I don’t have to go anywhere ’cause I didn’t not break the law,” according to an incident report. After the man refused to leave a few more times, the officer arrested him on a public disorderly conduct charge.

Weird Vandalism o’ the Week: A woman called police to report that someone had vandalized her 83-year-old mother’s car. An officer arrived and saw that the words “Fuck you bitch” and “blood” had been written on the car with washable window chalk. Then the officer noticed that vehicles parked at seven nearby houses had also been vandalized with variations on the same phrases — with the exception of one Jeep that just had the word “mom” painted on the driver’s side.

A taxi driver says that when he gave a woman a ride home, she said she’d have to run inside her house to get money to pay the fare. She left behind her chapstick and the key to her vehicle as collateral and then walked into her apartment. The driver sat and waited until he saw the lights turn out in her apartment, at which point he called the police for help. The initial cab fare was $14, but he said it had risen to $54.68 since the meter was still running.

Police found a man passed out and reeking of booze on the floor of a pharmacy bathroom. When he woke up, the officer asked where he was staying for the night, and the man kept repeating, “In Kincaid, Ill.”

After getting in an argument with the manager of a store about whether he had shoplifted some beer, a man stormed out of the business and told a janitor who was standing on a ladder, “I’ll bust your ass because you’re a cracker ass kisser. I’m gonna kick your punk ass off that ladder. I’m gonna mess you up.” The man had previously been banned from the property.

Police officers tried to pull over a man for having excessively tinted windows, and he ended up leading them on a 90-mph chase. They lost sight of him, but eventually found him in an apartment complex parking lot. When the man finally got out of the vehicle, he said, “Man, damn, I’m sorry, sir. I shouldn’t have run. I got scared; I don’t have no license. It’s suspended.”

Somebody stole seven ladders from three construction sites. The ladders had a combined height of 168 feet.

A man walked out of a bar at 2 a.m. and immediately crossed paths with a police officer. The cop made contact with him after noticing that he was unable to walk straight, smelled like alcohol, and was drooling. The man said, “What the fuck are you looking at?” and when the officer asked him where he lived, the man said, “Go fuck yourself” several times. The officer arrested him on a public intoxication charge.

Police responded to a report of a woman who refused to leave a restaurant, and they found her sitting at the bar eating someone else’s food. An officer took her outside and tried to hail her a cab, but she kept arguing and stumbling around, so the officers arrested her on a public intoxication charge.

After getting arrested on a DUI charge, a man called one of the arresting officers “a racist” and said he couldn’t remember his Social Security number. An officer later noted in an incident report, “He constantly stated that we will never be able to prove that he was driving and that he has a really great lawyer.”

Police arrested a man who was stumbling around a bar trying to start fights with patrons. They charged him with public intoxication and released him to his mother.

When a police officer confronted a man who was trespassing at an apartment complex where he’d been banned, the man said, “I’m just picking up garbage.” He had a little bit of crack cocaine hidden in the fold of his hat.

A woman says she was walking down the sidewalk when a man walked up behind her and said several times, “Excuse me, ma’am.” When she turned around to look at him, he had his pants unzipped and his genitals hanging out. She says he asked her, “Not big enough?,” and then she walked away.

Misspelling o’ the Week: A police officer described a car involved in a shoplifting incident as a “2011 Mitsibitchi Lancer.” Sounds like somebody’s been spending a little too much time on street racing forums.

A police officer tried to pull a man over after seeing him swerve in traffic and drive through a red light. After leading the officer on a half-mile chase, the man pulled his pickup truck into a driveway, threatened to kill the officer, and then took off on foot. The officer lost track of him and also noticed that the words “Anti Police” were spray painted on several sheds and campers in the backyard. It turned out the pickup had been reported stolen, so police had it towed away.

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