I feel weird. I’m starting to agree with Whitney. He’s got a point about T-Rav’s campaign. Light-hearted mockery has way more potential to sway voters than running an earnest campaign that never mentions his baby mama, etc.

Thomas’ campaign manager — who Whitney describes aptly as Sandy Duncan from hell — has busted in to manage everything, except for T-Rav’s expectations. What started out as a lark, a longshot, has become a serious endeavor. Which explains why Thomas got in a huff and quit the show last October during filming, accusing Bravo of damaging his campaign. He told the City Paper: “I was advised if they were to cover it in the background I could get my views out to a larger audience, but I think Graham has successfully turned the narrative into ‘This is all about Bravo, he’s not serious, this is a circus.” 

But before that tantrum, T-Rav opens the plantation up to the public for an event that’s designed to address his humility problem. You know, he’s got a haughty image and letting the plebes mingle with the master on his plantation can fix that. 

His companion, taking zero cues from Jackie Kennedy, dons a see-through-tee-neon-orange-bra situation that screams of passive-aggressive behavior. Her jealousy of the campaign does not bode well for the future. And then Sandy Duncan decides managing Kathryn is part of her job too. I don’t like this lady one bit. Poor K.D. being treated like a petulant 12-year-old by all the “adults” in her life.   

But enough about the Ravenel circus, Craig is going downhill and Shep is spewing wisdom all over the place, hence the title of this episode: Shep-istotle. And where does our little philosopher hang out all the time? The Republic, of course. 

As Shep kisses and glad-hands people at the bar like a natural politician, he lines up his preferred beer and shot before launching into a string of observations about Craig, who comes to party with an empty wallet and an even emptier soul. 

This won’t do for Shep, who at 35 has achieved life’s ultimate balance of work-play-sleep. He is sad for young Conover who is living like a Rockefeller on a Flintstone budget. Shep’s been around the block a few times and can now recognize when the night’s over, which leads us to believe that Shep was once the last guy to leave the party. But Shep must convey to Craig that he can’t dick around for too much longer, especially with student loan payments. Because if you run out of money, and you don’t have your family to catch you, your quality of life can diminish quickly.

Wiser words, people, wiser words…. 

Not only is Craig not making it to work on time, but he’s not putting his dirty clothes in the hamper. He’s drinking vodka drinks to help him walk better. And he’s really super skinny and has terrible taste in tank tops. 

But before we can save him from his future failure, Craig must go model some haute Southern couture — and reinforce the fact that all of Shep’s wisdom is for naught, because Craig is better looking. While he might not have the same sort of fortune supporting him as Shep, Craig has copious amounts of good looks and a more symmetrical face. Take that, responsible Shep, and shove it up your nose like a rubber hose.  

After the fashion show, the Charmers head to the Republic, of course, where they party down. And Shep tells Cam that he’s seen into Craig’s soul, which is cluttered with dirty clothes and drowning in vodka. And Shep tells T-Rav that Craig needs to care about his future and take the bar exam.  

Craig, like any good party boy, refuses to heed anyone’s advice and scoffs at their observations, as if he needs to take advice from wasted Thomas and man-child Shep. And, well, he’s got a good point. 

What the other characters were up to in this episode:
Pat: She’s as glamorous as ever, scrapbooking, drinking martinis, and wearing diamonds on the soles of her shoes. She may not be Martha Stewart, but Pat Altschul has enough money to fake being an accomplished scrapbooker. And she has enough hope to think that Whitney might still grow up and get married. She’s slumming in Charleston at a bed & breakfast fashion show. Her shoes are served up on a silver platter. And a dressing drink is a real thing. 

Landon: We’re getting to know her better ,and she’s not quite as likable as we thought. Or maybe it’s just that voice. Please lose the Valley Girl inflection. You’re not in LA anymore. 

Cameran: Since she won’t let us see her husband, her role on this show is relegated to observer. Every once in a while we see her hustling at her real estate job, and in this episode T-Rav calls to tell her she didn’t get the sale. D’oh. 

On the next episode of Southern Charm: Shep turns 35, K.D. gets bad advice from Cam, and Sandy Duncan steps in


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