Weapon o’ the Week: A spiked warhammer.

A man leaned in close to a woman who was waiting in line outside a bar and started yelling at her. A nearby police officer told the man to leave and stop blocking sidewalk traffic, and the man replied, “Why, because you are wearing some stupid orange vest?”

Police found a man passed out in a deflated raft near the stairway to a house with blood on his shirt. They ended up arresting him on a public drunkenness charge.

Police arrested a man for trespassing at an apartment complex for the eighth time in four years. Something about the allure of a forbidden parking lot just keeps you coming back.

A cable company called a woman to let her know she had reached her maximum data allowance for the month. The woman discovered that someone had been connecting to the internet via her wireless router and had used 351 GB of data in a single month.

Somebody stole five nail guns, a circular saw, an air compressor, a framing gun, two hammer drills, and a power washer from a construction work site.

A witness called police to report that she had seen a man swerve his car onto a curb twice, bursting two of his tires, before swerving onto the median and blowing a third tire. After driving into oncoming traffic, the man pulled over and parked. When police found the man sitting on a curb nearby, he said, “I can walk home. I’m OK.”

Flim-Flam o’ the Week: A woman was working at a ticket counter when a man walked up, asked to buy a $17.95 children’s ticket, and handed her a $50 bill. She gave him $32.05 in change, and the man said he had given her a $20 bill. She said “No” and showed him the $50 bill he’d just handed her. The man then gave her $50 in smaller bills and asked for the $50 bill back, and she gave it to him. Then the man gave her another $50 bill and asked for a $100 bill in return. She gave it to him, and he walked away. Then he pulled a similar trick at a ticket counter for a nearby attraction and cheated them out of $291.

Somebody broke the windows on three cars in an apartment parking lot and stole a laptop computer, several debit and credit cards, multiple driver’s licenses, and some makeup.

When police caught a man peeing behind a bush outside a convenience store, he said it was because the store’s restroom was out of order and he couldn’t hold it in.

A police officer saw a man “taking off his jeans in an aggressive manner” in the middle of the street, according to an incident report. When the man started pulling off his underwear, the officer told him to pull his underwear up and take a seat on the sidewalk.

When an officer confronted a man who was drinking from two open containers of liquor in a park, the man said that the police “should stop picking on the homeless.”

While patrolling outside a bar at closing time, an officer broke up a fight and told one of the men to stay put while the others walked away. The man told the officer, “You can’t arrest me. I’m a millionaire, and I have done nothing wrong.” The officer warned him that he was violating the city’s disorderly conduct rules, and the man said, “I’m doing nothing fucking wrong, and I would love for you to arrest me so I can sue your ass.” The officer ended up arresting him.

Police arrested a man on a warrant for crack cocaine distribution. When officers strip searched him at the jail, they found four crack rocks in his butt.

A man called police to report that, while he was away from his Minnesota residence vacationing in Oregon, someone in Charleston was using his debit card to make purchases at a grocery store.

A woman says she was in a parking garage when another woman hit her car with the door of her vehicle and then started yelling. The victim says she warned the stranger that she’d use pepper spray in self-defense, at which point the stranger said, “Pepper spray? I will show you what I have for you,” and then reached around in her vehicle for something. Then the stranger peeled out and sped away.

When an officer caught a woman drinking a beer at a bus stop, she angrily told the officer that she had to drink because she was pregnant and the doctor told her to. Doctor’s orders!

An officer saw a car parked with the engine running, no lights on, and the windows fogged up. The officer noted in an incident report that the heat was turned on in the vehicle and there was a distinct smell of weed in the air, writing, “It should be noted that smoking marijuana with the heat on helps ‘hotbox’ the vehicle, which is the process of smoking marijuana in an enclosed space in order to maximize the narcotic effects.” Well, we just learned something new …

A landlord says that after she served a tenant with eviction papers, the tenant destroyed all of the sheet rock in the first floor of the residence by punching holes in it and ripping it off the walls.

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