Blotter o’ the Week: Police found an apparently intoxicated man wearing tight black jeans and no shirt standing on a porch. The homeowner said he did not know the man. The shirtless man tried to run away, but he tripped on his own feet and fell to the ground, twice.

When a police officer asked a man for his driver’s license during a traffic stop, the driver started drinking an orange soda, gagged, and then pulled a bag of marijuana out of his mouth and handed it to the officer.

On Flag Day, a woman returned home to her apartment and found that someone had vandalized the U.S. flag that was mounted on her second-floor balcony. There was a swastika drawn on the flag, the bottom edge was cut in a fringe pattern, and the words “Fuck Yeah,” “Murkkka,” and “# Young Loris + Manny + Papichulo” were written on it.

A woman was sorting through the mail from her mailbox when a razor blade fell out. She does not know how it got there.

When a police officer stopped two juvenile boys who were riding stolen bicycles near an apartment complex, they claimed they had found them abandoned in the nearby woods. The bikes were returned to their owner, who declined to press charges.

An officer found a military ammunition can sitting on the grass in a store parking lot. The can was filled with 2,822 rounds in a wide variety of sizes and styles, including .45-caliber rounds, 12-gauge buckshot, and high-power .22-caliber rounds. The can also contained two CO2 canisters, a bank money bag, a holster, and two games and a memory card for the Playstation 2.

A man suspects his girlfriend of slashing his car tires and shoving a candy bar in the gas tank. And that’s nothing to Snicker about.

Somebody stole a $5,000 industrial tack gun from a construction site.

When an officer found a man leaning against an abandoned house holding an open can in a paper bag and asked what he was doing, the man replied, “I might be drinking a beer.” He was, indeed, drinking a beer.

Around 11:30 p.m., a police officer spotted a man stumbling down the sidewalk wearing no shirt and only one shoe. The officer asked him if he had any friends who could take him home, and he replied, “Yes, over here,” and then wandered out into the street, stopping traffic. The officer arrested him on a public intoxication charge.

A bouncer says that after he told a man he was too drunk to come back into the bar, the man flicked a lit cigarette at him, cursed him out, and then punched him in the face.

A man told police that a former friend punched him in the face after they got in a fight. The impetus for the fight? The ex-friend called him a “faggot,” and the complainant replied, “Why don’t you ask your mom about that?” Good talk, fellas.

A night clerk at a gas station had stepped outside for a cigarette break when he saw a man walking up who had previously been banned from the property. The man asked the clerk for a cigarette, and when the clerk refused, the man started muttering under his breath and pacing back and forth in the parking lot. Finally, the man turned to the clerk and yelled, “What are you looking at? I’ll give you something to look at!” and then pulled down his pants and exposed his penis.

A police officer responded to the scene of a car accident and found a woman behind the wheel with pizza all over her face. The officer asked her why she had pizza on her face, and she replied, “I was eating pizza.” The officer asked if she had been drinking, and she said, “Yes, this has been a long time coming.” Her blood alcohol content was 0.22.

A 17-year-old says she found someone online who said she would send her an SUV via Air Force transport in exchange for $2,000 worth of Amazon gift cards. The teenager sent the gift cards, but the vehicle never arrived.

A construction worker responded to a hotel construction site after a security alarm went off and found a man walking out carrying a sheet of 2-inch ridged foam insulation. When the worker asked the man what he was doing, he said, “Nothing,” put the sheet of insulation down, and tried to walk away. The worker tried to stop him, and they ended up getting in a fight.

Two men were recorded on a surveillance camera breaking into two vehicles in a hotel parking lot and stealing two bags full of golf clubs, two pairs of expensive sunglasses, a pair of golf shoes, and a $300 golf range finder.

A construction contractor was tearing out a bathroom for renovation when he found some bones and bone fragments in the area between the bathtub and the floor. A coroner came to the scene and determined that the remains were not human.

Stay cool. Support City Paper.

City Paper has been bringing the best news, food, arts, music and event coverage to the Holy City since 1997. Support our continued efforts to highlight the best of Charleston with a one-time donation or become a member of the City Paper Club.