Blotter o’ the Week: A man was walking on the sidewalk carrying a pizza when a stranger grabbed the ‘za and ran off. He chased the stranger to a parking lot and yelled, “Give me the fucking pizza.” The pizza pilferer reportedly replied, “OK, man, chill out,” and then punched the man in the face. Police caught up with the pizza thief and arrested him on an assault charge.

A vandal spraypainted several phrases on some playground equipment in a park, including “Fight the Power,” “Eat the Rich,” and something that officers described as either “the word ‘darf’ or ‘jarf.'” Message … received?

A man ran out of a convenience store carrying a shoplifted case of beer. Police caught him on the sidewalk later carrying the beer.

Police found a man passed out drunk in front of an ATM. When they woke him up and asked him for his identification, he handed them a credit card and then a concealed weapon permit. Police arrested him on a public intoxication charge.

A man is accused of biting his brother’s thumb while intoxicated.

Over the course of several weeks, a man says someone has been throwing eggs and strips of bacon at his car and his apartment door, along with leaving notes that say things like “PIG” and “BACON.”

When a man got caught in someone else’s car shuffling through the contents, the man hopped out of the car and ran away, running out of his sandals in the process.

Somebody sold eight pieces of stolen gold jewelry to a pawn shop for $100. This is your weekly reminder that crime pays — but barely.

(Attempted) Shoplifting Haul o’ the Week: A man walked out of a store with a shopping cart containing seven packages of crab meat, two packages of shrimp, three packs of bacon, 11 rib-eye steaks, a 24-pack of soda, a candle, a food storage container, and a bottle of bleach. A loss prevention officer confronted him in the parking lot, and he abandoned the cart and made a run for his car.

Somebody shoplifted four fedoras from a clothing store. M’lady.

A man was flying a quad-copter drone in a park with his daughter when the battery died, causing the drone to crash-land in the canopy of a tree about 50 feet in the air. He called the Parks Department, who called the police, who called the Urban Forestry department to bring in a bucket truck and retrieve the drone. Police informed the man that it’s illegal to fly a drone in a public park but let him off with a warning.

Somebody did more than $2,000 worth of damage while stealing copper pipes from a construction site. A $2,800 sprayer tool and a $2,000 generator were also missing from the site.

An employee at a seafood restaurant called police after a surveillance camera filmed someone snooping around in unlocked cabinets inside the restaurant. Seemed fishy.

A man got a ride home in a taxi. The taxi driver told him the fare would be $18, but he handed the driver $11, slammed the door, and walked away.

Failed Theft o’ the Week: A man broke into a restaurant after hours, tried to use a crowbar to open two safes, rifled through a desk drawer, and then gave up and left.

Somebody tossed three balloons full of red latex paint at the John C. Calhoun monument in Marion Square and ran away.

Police stopped to talk to a man who was sitting on the front steps of someone else’s house. He had three open cans of beer near him, all part-full, along with four unopened cans in the pockets of his shorts.

Witnesses saw a man stumbling down the street sticking a key into different car door locks. Police arrested him on a public intoxication charge.

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