Blotter o’ the Week: A park employee reported a case of vandalism after finding what he believed to be paint on a fountain. He told police he had caught a man with blue paint all over his clothes, face, hair, and hands. The suspect told police that he had decided to dye his hair while sitting at the fountain. In other words, he “blue” himself.

Late one night, a woman received a text from her ex-boyfriend, saying he was on his way to her home. After ignoring the text and the ex’s knock at the door, the woman received another message from the man, saying, “Well, there’s something wrong with your car.” The woman exited her apartment to find a brick had been thrown through her windshield.

A store’s surveillance footage recorded a man in a long wig and skirt defecating along a sidewalk downtown. A female employee told the officer that the suspect was most likely male because a woman would have lifted her skirt up rather than pull it down, which is what the video showed the suspect doing. Her hunch proved correct, and days later, officers spotted a man wearing a skirt and red wig matching the suspect in the video.

Panic set in for one woman and her cousin after they decided to experiment with a few new snacks. The woman called police to say they had just eaten “weed treats” and were feeling weird. The two checked out fine following a medical evaluation.

A woman called police to report a threatening message she had received from another woman on Facebook. According to the victim, the message stated, “I will dog walk any bitch for playing with my sister,” and was accompanied by a picture of the suspect holding a weapon.

A man called police to report that his “friend” had stolen his pain medication. He told officers he had known the suspect for some time from the “Folly Beach bar scene,” but could not provide her phone number, address, or last name. The suspect had been staying with the man for the past two days, but he chased her away following an argument that erupted when she refused to wash her fork.

One grocery store manager observed a man stuff several high-quality steaks into his cargo shorts before exiting the building. The manager followed the beef thief outside only to see the steaks fall from his shorts as he ran away.

Officers responding to a case of trespassing found the suspect fleeing the scene. When asked where she had been earlier, the suspect said,” Nowhere, you asshole.” After telling police to “eat shit and die,” the woman told the arresting officer, “You’re not a real cop. I am a real cop.” Hopefully, she’s also a real lawyer.

An officer was waiting outside of a store after watching a man park diagonally across two spots, one of which was reserved for disabled customers. When the man exited, he gestured to the officer to wait a minute, retrieved his debit card from his vehicle and re-entered the store. Once the man finally returned, he repeatedly asked the officer why he was being questioned. He was soon taken into custody for past driving offenses.

An officer responded to reports of an unconscious man lying in the bushes near a department store. When the officer asked the man if he was intoxicated, he replied that he had been enjoying some “fruity punch drink.”

An officer stopped a man after watching him make an exchange with a black SUV passing through a “well-known narcotics distribution area,” according to an incident report. When the officer asked the man to empty his pockets, the man handed over a pack of cigarettes. Inside, the officer found a small glass tube. The man said, “I forgot that was in my pocket, but I use it to smoke crack. I just smoked about two hours ago.”

An intoxicated man entered a Thai restaurant one afternoon, ordered food, and quickly passed out at his table. Needless to say, he skipped dessert.

Police responded to a restaurant regarding an intoxicated man who was causing a disturbance. Officers arrived to find the man had removed his prosthetic leg, and he was unable to reattach it.

A young man was thrown out of a bar late one night. When an officer approached to question him, the man took off running and collided with a lamp post, knocking himself unconscious.

A man came to the realization that his girlfriend may be stealing from the store where she works after she asked him to pawn jewelry for her and showed him items in her purse with the tags still on them. The man excused his girlfriend’s actions, saying, “When she gets depressed, she does stupid stuff.”

Bro O’ The Week: An intoxicated man was spotted stumbling into traffic while walking along a major road one evening. The man told police he was on his way to get a pizza. When asked about his plans for the rest of the evening, he replied, “I’m going to get a pizza. Apparently, you didn’t hear me.” He added, “There is no sidewalk, bro. Where the fuck am I supposed to walk?” Once taken into custody, the man told the officer, “Fuck you, bro” and, “Even the worst public defender can get me off of this charge.”

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