Blotter o’ the Week: A homeowner set a booby trap to catch a thief suspected of stealing beer from the refrigerator in his pool house. Late one evening, the homeowner was awoken by the sound of his makeshift security system and raced downstairs. The real-life MacGyver and his roommate were able to detain the burglar until police arrived.

An overly intoxicated woman was advised to call it a night and head home, at which point she told police that her friends would not pick her up with an officer standing nearby. After being advised by police that she needed to find another way home, the woman replied by saying that she was “going to invoke her right to religion.” It was at this point that the drunken disciple decided to get feisty with police. After being taken into custody, the woman exercised her right to regurgitate by vomiting in the backseat of an officer’s patrol car.

Police were called regarding someone placing trash, soiled clothing, and notes into a bank’s drop box on multiple occasions. According to an incident report, the notes consisted only of sentence fragments that made no clear sense.

A driver was waiting at a red light when a man on a moped allegedly drove up next to him and shouted, “You didn’t see me?” Feeling ignored, the driver of the moped then punched the driver’s side mirror of the car, shattering the glass, before speeding through the stop light.

A drunk driver who had wet his pants told an officer that he had consumed only three beers approximately two hours before being stopped by police. After saying that he did not feel comfortable performing any field sobriety tests, the man stated that he may or may not have been drinking and driving, but did not want to drive anymore. If only that wise decision had been made before the police became involved — and before the man peed himself.

Two men were spotted shoplifting three drones valued at approximately $600 from a department store one afternoon.

Body armor was stolen out of an unlocked car belonging to an agent with the Department of Homeland Security.

A parent chaperone is in hot water after allegedly spanking a student on the butt for bad behavior while they were on a school field trip. Remember parents, the best way to get back at another person’s kid is to raise a brilliant, talented child who throws off the curve for all of his or her classmates.

A bar patron claimed that an intoxicated man approached him unprovoked and punched him in the face. But the truth of what happened proved to be a bit more complicated than that. A nearby witness told police that he knew why the man was attacked, saying that prior to the fight, the supposed victim had approached a stranger in the bar and “put his thumb up their butt.” At this point, the back-door knocker was punched in the face.

In what seems like a modern remake of Pretty Woman, a woman suspected of helping her male companion purchase illegal narcotics told an officer that she was simply “buying some dick,” according to an incident report.

A cleaning crew employee earned a lifetime of bad karma after attempting to cash a check written to a church for the amount of $7,500. The bank notified the employee’s boss, who in turn contacted the police.

Police arrived on the scene to find a bar patron drunkenly harassing customers in the parking lot of a pub. When asked by police if he had been drinking, the man replied, “All day,” according to an incident report.

A neon sign about 5-feet in diameter and valued at approximately $10,000 was stolen from a downtown restaurant.

A man returned home to find his clothing in a burning pile next to an empty container of gasoline in the front yard. Police later spoke with the man’s father, who said he had been with his son most of the day, and that before dropping his son off at home they had received messages from the son’s female roommate saying, “Come home, and I have something for the both of you.”

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