Blotter o’ the Week: One hour after contacting police to report that he was “high” and wanted to go to the hospital, a man stripped naked in front of officers and began sweeping the floor of his home. Sounds like he was trying to clean up his act.

An intoxicated woman called police to say that she was lost and needed someone to help her find her hotel. Police found the woman kneeling barefoot in the courtyard of the hotel. Officers and hotel staff were then able to locate the woman’s husband who soon came downstairs to retrieve his wife.

An underage man was busted for a fake ID by security at a bar. When a nearby officer asked the man to speak with him, the youngster fled only to be tackled soon thereafter by the police.

An intoxicated woman repeatedly fell off of her bike while attempting to ride home. Eventually, a concerned citizen contacted police to check to see if she could use a set of training wheels.

Bar staff called police regarding a man who was harassing them as they attempted to close down the bar for the night. After police located the man for questioning, he began to convulse on the ground and complain that he was suffering from a seizure. While rolling “to and fro” on the ground, the man shouted loudly about “perceived police injustice,” according to an incident report.

A shoplifter attempted to steal almost $53 worth of almonds from a grocery store. Unable to escape with nuts in hand, the squirrelly suspect was soon apprehended.

A nicely dressed gentleman walked into a jewelry store and applied for a credit card with a $12,000 limit. The man then immediately proceeded to nearly max out his new line of credit, purchasing more than $10,000 worth of jewelry. Less than two weeks later, the store was contacted by company fraud investigators to let them know that the man’s account was fraudulent.

A man was spotted drinking a beer as he rode his bike down the wrong side of the street. When questioned by police, the man said, “I thought I could get away with it.” That may have been the case had the man not been doing everything wrong at once.

A woman suspects that her ex-girlfriend carved the word “AssHoe” into the paint on the driver’s side door of her car.

Someone stole a man’s hammock from his front yard.

A cab driver flagged down police after his passenger punched his windshield, cracking it in the process. Hopefully, the guy left a tip.

A bartender contacted police after another woman allegedly “hocked a loogie” in her face while downtown late one evening. After the woman was informed that she would need to pay or start a tab before being served, a verbal dispute broke out, and the woman was led outside where the spitting took place.

An intoxicated driver repeatedly stated “I am not a drug dealer” during a traffic stop before urinating in his pants.

A young shoplifter wearing a dozen pilfered T-shirts under his hoodie was spotted as he left the store. Luckily, the suspect chose not to run from security or he would have likely fainted from heat stroke.

A woman accepted a job online that she believed would involve her spying on businesses as an “undercover consumer.” The woman received her first assignment in the form of a letter mailed from New York that included a check for $1,000 and instructions. Following the orders presented to her, the woman deposited the check and sent $800 in money orders to an address in Texas. The woman later found out that the check she deposited had bounced, and she was out $800.

A mosh pit turned violent — or more violent — when a man punched another man in the face and fled the scene. Where’s your sense of pit hospitality?

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