Blotter o’ the Week: A man shot himself in the upper left leg while cleaning out a Highpoint 380. He isn’t likely to give weapon maintenance another shot any time soon. I’m sorry you had to read that.

A woman walked out of a store only to realize that she forgot her purse in a shopping cart. Officers found no sign of the bag, though a couple of people pointed to a cashier who had allegedly taken the bag and hidden it. First on our list of theories: The drop ceiling. Second: She never even left her house that day.

In people being punished for being poor: A juvenile was charged with disorderly conduct for selling palmetto roses on Market Street. Similarly, a woman was charged with trespassing when she asked patients for money and attempted to sleep in a crowded waiting room at a radiology lab in the middle of the day.

Officers responded to a North Central house three times in one day after 1) a man called the cops on a woman because she wouldn’t leave, 2) the woman called the cops on the man for allegedly stealing from her wallet, and 3) the man called the cops after she broke in to smash his TV. It’s never too late in life to enter a messy relationship.

When a man found $400 folded together on the sidewalk outside of a downtown synagogue, he promptly called the police and turned the money in. But why?

A man has been harassing his ex-wife in a very 21st century way: by keeping an eye on her iCloud and sending her back her own photos. Aside from the fact that this is terrifying, or perhaps because of it, this could make a killer episode of Black Mirror.

The Secret Service was notified after a man tried to pay for his $1.88 order at McDonald’s with a counterfeit $20 bill. Is this the wing of the Service that doesn’t have to keep watch outside of Mar-a-Lago on weekends?

Two teenagers paid for a $0.25 cookie at Subway with a fake $100 bill. The cashier, not noticing the Russian lettering above the words “it’s not the money, it’s a joke,” gave them $99.75 in change.

The center caps on the rims of two Rolls Royce vehicles were stolen overnight from a car dealership. Approximate value: $8,000.

A pregnant woman believes that the threatening Facebook messages she has been receiving, including one reading “We gone kill your baby bitch,” might be the work of the one of the multiple women dating her baby daddy.

A man on Calhoun Street was seen “crying hysterically” and “screaming to the top of his lungs” as he was placed into custody for repeatedly trying to enter a bar that was closing.

An iPad Mini, three credit cards, and a set of keys to an Audi were all stolen from a 2011 Porsche that was parked unlocked on Meeting Street for one hour.

“Yes, I forgot to throw it away, but it’s old,” were the words spoken by a man cited for carrying an open container after an officer poured out his cold and still carbonated Heineken.

A Daniel Island software publishing employee got an email claiming that a hit against him would proceed as planned unless the sender got a payment of “0.5 Bitcoin.” Going off the current price of Bitcoin, we’re sure a hit against someone has to be worth way more than $8,188.

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