South Carolina representatives are turning their backs on God and showing their true allegiance by crucifying religion for the sake of political grandstanding.

Upstate reps Steven Long, Bill Chumley, Mike Burns, John McCravy, Josiah Magnuson, and Rick Martin (a.k.a. The Parody 6), filed H4949; the Marriage and Constitution Restoration Act. Struggling to delegitimize homosexuality through legal means and moral standards, The Parody 6 have taken the matter out of God’s hands and put it into a bill where conservatives suddenly want religion as far away from government as possible. The goal is to make marriage between one man and one woman — “classic marriage” — secular while defining same-sex marriage as religious in order to flex the muscles of the First Amendment in their favor.

These homosexual, religious unions have been dubbed “Parody Marriages” in the legislation.

H4949 claims that same-sex marriage and sexual identity is inherently tied to the religion of Secular Humanism, while classic marriage is evolved from nature.

The bill is a trash salad filled with a multitude of misleading and false claims, sprinkled with some twisted facts to appease the conservative palate which would otherwise struggle ingesting complete garbage. The logic presented is so flawed that we need not even address the debate of Secular Humanism as a religion. However, there are two especially large pieces of philosophical detritus worth noting. The first is the idea that homosexual relationships should be considered religious while classic marriage should not. The second is that classic marriage is evolved from nature.


The sinister beauty of this bill is the broad nature of its partially true claims applied deviously through a very narrow scope. The Parody 6 claim that same-sex marriage is a defining characteristic of Secular Humanism. This is blatantly false. While their moral code allows for same-sex marriage, it is not a tenet of the belief. Furthermore, same-sex marriage and homosexuality are not exclusive to Secular Humanism. There are sects of Christianity that acknowledge same-sex marriages. Finally, same-sex relationships preceded the existence of Secular Humanism as a philosophy or religion. For all the above reasons, homosexuality and same-sex marriages cannot be attributed as Secular Humanism creations.

Conversely, if same-sex marriages can be considered parody because of their relationship to Secular Humanism, so can classic marriages. The Parody 6, though, have addressed this issue by claiming “marriage between a man and a woman arose out of the nature of things” instead of religion. However, if legal sexual relationships are determined by “the nature of things” then South Carolina is about to get wacky.

First, marriage is not “natural” and anything resembling lifelong commitments is the exception to the rule in nature. If the point is that classic marriage resembles sexual reproduction patterns in nature and is, therefore, secular and lawfully recognized, then all manner of polygamy should be legal. You most certainly see that type of heterosexual relationship much more often in nature. In fact, if South Carolina legislators truly want a secular, nature-derived marriage among citizens, then the most relevant marriage is one man with a harem of women whom he regularly impregnates until another man beats him up and takes his place. Otherwise, any marriage can be claimed to have a religious association if the “nature of things” is the qualification for being secular.

But the Parody Marriage bill was never about removing religion from government. This is about Upstate Republicans reminding their constituency of their level of conservatism in an election year. However, in their spite, they trapped themselves in their own language. The bill also states that, “Secular Humanists … infiltrate and indoctrinate minors in public schools to their religious world view which is questionably moral…”

Of course, in order to claim immorality, a basis for morality must exist. There are two approaches to morality. The general religious view suggests there is no “absolute” morality without a divine being (theistic religion). Otherwise, you subscribe to Secular Humanism (non-theistic religion) which claims morality can exist without a god. For The Parody 6 to claim a moral standard, they must do so on religious grounds because a moral base must lie in one or the other according to their own bill.

Furthermore, the language of the bill states classic marriage is evolved from nature using the term “human design” which is directly correlated to Creationism and Christianity. Consequently, the bill implodes on itself because it is tangled up in religious jargon and philosophy, something it claims to remove from government.

It is toilet paper.

Perhaps H4949 is just fuel for S.C. representatives in an election year to allow them to criticize the hypocrisy of liberals who might rally against it. On the other hand, a psychiatric evaluation may be in order for The Parody 6 if this is an honest swing at sensible legislation. If hateful propaganda like this is considered appropriate, South Carolina will open the door for a Salem approach to lawmaking. Soon we’ll be drowning people to see if they are witches just because Republicans want to get rid of some meddlesome Democrats.

It’s more likely though, these are just Parody Legislators writing a Parody Bill. This is a National Lampoon movie waiting to happen. You out there Bill Murray?

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