Blotter o’ the Week: A yoga instructor who teaches in a garage behind his house was stunned to find one of his students screaming at his dogs inside of his home one afternoon. The student couldn’t provide an ID, told officers that he hadn’t “been born,” and didn’t seem to know what a U.S. president was. He screamed, “You will not defeat me! I am God!” as he was handcuffed and sent to the hospital.

This week in Victoria’s Secret thefts: four lounge shirts, four sweaters, four T-shirts, and, interestingly enough, only three black sweatpants. Perpetrators: Three women, one of whom was already wearing Victoria’s Secret PINK merchandise. Total value: $749.25.

Officers found a crack pipe inside the pocket of a man who had stolen two boxes of microwaveable chicken wings from a downtown drug store. That explains it.

A man walked out of his house, flagged down a couple of officers patrolling his neighborhood, and told them to remove two “unwelcome guests” from his apartment. Imagine being able to do this every time your friend brings over a new obnoxious boyfriend.

A woman was cited for shoplifting after walking out of a Harris Teeter with close to $37 worth of deli products. A bad deal no matter which way you slice it.

Someone took a marker to the inside door of a port-a-potty next to a construction site to warn everyone of a planned bomb attack in late July, though it remains unclear whether or not he was referring to a gastrointestinal explosive.

Heard during a drug arrest: “You know the crack is mine. Yes, the crack is mine.”

A man loaded seven whole cases of beer onto a shopping cart at a James Island grocery store, walked past the clerks, put them in his car, and left.

A downtown woman lost a 14-karat gold ring of her family crest somewhere between her home and her gym. So when you pawn it, please have the decency to remember that it once belonged to someone who cared about it.

In case you were wondering: yes, people still put their phones in their back pockets. And yes, someone stole an iPhone 8 from someone at a King Street bar last week thanks to the very unwise practice.

Someone bent the $3,000 railing in front of a downtown church. Isn’t that seven years of bad luck or something?

A kid Ubered out of his high school without telling his family after leaving a note at home saying he needed to “get away from it all.” Teenage runaways sure have changed.

A man who was seen cursing loudly and walking around Beufain Street and Rutledge Avenue was arrested when he turned around, started walking toward officers, and began flinging epithets at them.

Someone went to Vegas and put more than $2,200 on a Charleston man’s credit card. The fraudulent charges better come with a souvenir sand globe.

A homeless man stole a beer bottle from a six pack in the cooler of a downtown gas station. Officers later found the man sleeping with the bottle, which was still cold and sealed.

Authorities and school administration became involved after students at a downtown charter school added “Kill 50 students” to the bucket list assignment of an unsuspecting student.

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