“The suspects were last seen fleeing towards the McDonald’s.” Same.

As he approached the front door of his buddy’s house on James Island, a man was startled by a stranger wearing a black hoodie who jumped out of the side of the house, yelled, “What are you doing here!” and inexplicably shattered his windshield with a crowbar.

A woman stole eight packages of rib eye steaks and two T-bones (Total value: $116) from a West Ashley grocery store. Two men were parked outside, ready to meat her once she staked claim to the beef.

A dispatch to the home of a possibly suicidal teen ended with both mother and son being placed in emergency protective custody after the mother changed her story multiple times and her erratic behavior escalated. As she was being escorted up the stairs, she yelled, “I pray to God, I hope this is being videoed.”

Two white guys stole a 24-pack of Bud Light from a gas station. Charleston.

An obsessive former acquaintance has sent multiple Facebook messages, Instagram messages, and even left notes on a woman’s windshield since July 2017. She claims that the woman’s husband has gotten her pregnant twice. The man showed an officer a text which read, “Lil punk ass bitch, wait till I see you in public.”

A woman stole $20,000 from a cash box in her ex-boyfriend’s bedroom, flew to Turks and Caicos, hacked into his G-mail account, and has been cancelling his flights and wreaking havoc on his life for the past week.

A construction worker grew agitated when his supervisor tossed a small piece of gravel at his equipment in an attempt to get him off the phone. Naturally, he threatened to kill everyone and told them they “might as well leave Charleston.”

A bunch of bored kids appropriately used caulk to write “foam dick,” among other creative obscenities, on the bathroom walls of a playground in a West Ashley apartment complex.

Employees of a West Ashley Chinese restaurant heard a loud bang and raced to the front of the house to find one of their windows completely shattered.

A playful FaceTime conversation turned into aggravated assault with a firearm when a man told a woman, “you a hoe and your granny knows it.” After texting him to pull up — which CPD’s Urban Dictionary defines as “meaning she wanted the offender to come to her house to fight” — the man came by and struck her on the face with a handgun as a neighbor watched.

Two men stole a $750 black belt bag from a downtown designer retail store. Fingers crossed they plan on selling it and not on stunting around Charleston with a shared luxury fanny pack.

A woman was denied entry to a homeless shelter because she was drunk. Officers noted that she couldn’t walk more than a few steps without her pants falling down completely.

A man told officers he was just about to “roll up” when he saw officers approach him during a suspected drug deal. Cue the Wiz Khalifa.

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