The immortal jellyfish is a very interesting specimen. Pretty much every living organism follows the same pattern of life where it begins to exist, matures, and eventually dies. In America, one of the most interesting stages of human maturity are those awkward teenage years. During those years the popular, cool kids and all the others are trying to figure out how to get a seat at the most exclusive lunch table. These priorities, of course, shift with maturity and healthy humans usually gain a perspective where popularity is a foolish endeavor next to true joy and contentment. Then we die.

The immortal jellyfish, however, has the unique ability to revert back to an immature stage of development and go through life again in lieu of death. This is the only way I can logically explain South Carolina Governor Henry McMaster’s suggestion that Donald Trump deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. Like the immortal jellyfish, he has reverted back to an immature stage of development where sitting with the cool kids is the most important thing in the world.

McMaster signed a letter to the Nobel Committee in Norway explaining why Trump should be nominated for a Nobel Prize. It’s actually really sad. It’s the pilot episode of White House High. Trump is the cool kid and prom is coming up. He’s knocked up some girl from another school but is dating the head cheerleader. That just makes him cooler. A couple of cheerleaders approach a bumbling McMaster in the hallway, put their arms around him, and ask if he’s going to vote for Trump for Prom King.

“Of course,” he says with a screech. Contact me if you’re interested in producing this epic idea for an animated series.

The reality is, McMaster’s nomination of Trump for a Nobel Prize is the epitome of scraping the bottom of the barrel to look for ways to praise him. To acknowledge Trump’s actions as worthy of a Nobel Prize requires two things. First, we must presume that he is largely responsible for the two Koreas meeting and exchanging pleasantries and assume that de-escalation will continue and result in actual disarmament of nuclear weapons all while ignoring the hurtling of insults and childish threats that preceded big boy discourse.

North Korea has already threatened to cancel the meeting. Trump himself has already laid out an escape plan if he doesn’t get what he wants from the meeting, assuming it actually occurs. North Korea has pointed out they have no intention of dismantling their nuclear weapons program as a unilateral agreement associated with economic incentives about which Trump has boasted. “We have never had any expectation of U.S. support in carrying out our economic construction and will not … make such a deal in the future,” North Korea’s Kim Kye Gwan stated. Even Lindsey Graham has said “we’re not there yet” in regards to an agreement.

Second, to nominate this man for a Nobel Prize we must ignore the xenophobic, racist, sexist, elitist rhetoric and philosophy that has defined the vast majority of his presidency simply because people like McMaster want so desperately to get invited to Trump’s post-prom rager. Even if Trump could be credited with dismantling North Korea’s nuclear weapons program between rounds of golf and binge watching Fox News, you would still have to overlook his attack on the Muslim communities of the world, turning his back on “shithole countries,” prideful sexual harassment, emboldening of white supremacists, abusing Native Americans trying to defend their lands, and general disregard for anything that doesn’t benefit the richest, whitest parts of the world. Of course, overlooking a putrid persona has proven to be the smallest of speed bumps for so-called conservatives in the era of Trump. However, they are extremely liberal when it comes to overlooking, forgiving, and justifying the immoralities and ignorance of the Trump regime.

It would be an extremely tragic piece of evidence of the great depth of the American spiral into indecency to put Trump’s name alongside those of other Americans who have won the prize such as Martin Luther King Jr. and Elie Wiesel.


If Trump should be nominated for an award, it should have something to do with his actions and inspiration to others, which have revealed the depths of professional depravity in the American political machine. Is there even a point of absolute “wrong” where the majority of people, regardless of political affiliation, will stop and properly judge a person? Because clearly you can pay off a porn star with whom you allegedly committed adultery, fuel a white supremacy revival, encourage the raping of women if you’re rich and powerful, lie to the American people on a daily basis, turn refugees into criminals, and not only be elected a Republican President of the United States and have the governor of South Carolina, in addition to others, suggest you deserve a Nobel Peace Prize.

What do you call a politician with the power of the immortal jellyfish? A spineless creature with the emotional and intellectual maturity of a high schooler. Example: Henry McMaster. I hope you enjoy the acne and wedgies while you dream of giving Trump a high five during the upcoming election. In the meantime, we’ll continue being legitimate adults. You’re welcome to join us anytime.

Ali was born in Greenville, SC but grew up in High Point, NC where he studied English/Writing at High Point University. He has called Charleston home since 2006 and wants to believe Bigfoot is real.

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