Blotter o’ the Week: A man was found nursing a clear plastic bottle of vodka near a CARTA bus stop — the most effective way to make a 30-minute wait feel like five.

A West Ashley woman had a package stolen right off her porch. She told officers she “swears it was the kids in the neighborhood with nothing better to do.”

A woman in an assisted living facility called the cops claiming that a new employee stole her diamond and amethyst rings, worth a combined $9,000. The facility’s director told authorities that the woman claimed to have found the rings earlier that day, and that he was “unsure” where the rings actually were.

Officers responded to a complaint regarding a “known vagrant and alcohol abuser” who was “stumbling south on King Street while yelling.” Or as the CVB would put it, “live outdoor theater.”

Brown Paper Bags: Commonly used to conceal alcoholic beverages. Source: CPD’s Urban Dictionary.

A man who was temporarily homeless and staying in his car was physically dragged out of his last semblance of shelter as he slept overlooking the water in Westside.

A man stole every single Little Trees car air freshener from a downtown gas station.

Stem: Known (from training and experience, of course) to be referred to the device that is used to smoke cocaine base. Source: CPD’s Urban Dictionary.

A woman tried to steal a hair mask, a knee brace, and a hair dye removal kit from a West Ashley grocery store by hiding the items in her purse as she walked through the store. When confronted by authorities, she began crying and saying that she was only waiting for her sister to call her back about one of the products.

Four girls walked into the Charleston Place Hotel and threw the plants on the wall onto the vanity, sink, and floor of the second floor bathroom.

A woman lifted her skirt to her stomach while her friends blocked her as she peed all over the front of the William Aiken House.

A man paid $1,600 in first month’s rent and security deposit for an apartment he found on Craigslist. When he arrived at the Morris Street address, no one was home and his point of contact was no longer responding.

The latest harassing correspondence sent to a downtown boutique owner reads as follows, “I am requesting to claim [business owner’s name] and every United States citizen as my personal property making all of there [sic] possessions to include businesses, land, homes, automobiles, and personal wealth mine.”

A James Island mom bought her 9-year-old son an iPhone 8, which he lost in his basketball coach’s car. To make matters worse, she says that she’s having a hard time getting in touch with her son’s coach, who had previously complained to her about his car payments.

Two women had their bags stolen from the locker room in a West Ashley gym. Inside of one of them was a Michael Kors wallet, an iPhone 6 Plus, headphones, a debit card, and birth control pills, or basically everything that makes life worth living.

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