Blotter o’ the Week: A man claimed he had been given a lethal injection and that he was an owl, at which point, according to officers on the scene, he began hooting.

A man stumbling down a Johns Island road and forcing cars to go around him had a half-full bottle of vodka inside his jacket, naturally.

A downtown woman was talking to her separated husband on the porch when his current girlfriend pulled up in her car and said, “I would kick your fucking ass right now, but I won’t because you would call the police on me.”

Officers found a drunk man lying on the sidewalk completely naked except for his socks. Next to him was a pair of khaki shorts dripping with urine along two piles of feces, one of which he almost grabbed when officers asked him to put his shoes on.

A fight involving a kid selling palmetto roses ended with the minor ripping out the umbrella of one of the city’s Palmetto Artisan kiosks and using it as a weapon. The child was suspended from the program.

A customer at a downtown convenience store flipped over an ATM and pushed computer monitors off the counter before jumping on top of it to threaten the clerk.

After he broke into his dad’s house through a window to steal the gun under his bed, the man texted his dad, “I GOT YOU.”

A fight over unread mail got violent when a husband began to choke his wife in front of their 15-year-old son.

Bad Bitches Only: Officers found a woman sitting on a bench in Brittlebank Park drinking a beer at 10 p.m.

Apparently three shots of bourbon and one shot of whiskey is all it takes to punch and break a window at one downtown seafood restaurant.

A downtown woman has reason to suspect that her neighbor fucked up her son’s soccer goal, which officers found bent in half with a detached net upon their arrival.

A couple loaded three bags of frozen shrimp into a purse and walked out of a West Ashley grocery store.

A man was drunk enough to get kicked out of a McDonald’s on James Island, arguably one of the last remaining places where you’re entitled to service regardless of your level of sobriety.

A woman was seen reaching over the counter of a Daniel Island gas station to try and tear off lottery tickets for herself.

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