The Blotter is taken from Charleston Police Department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

Blotter o’ the week: A man was found standing on the sidewalk with his shorts down and his genitals exposed. He had thrown up on his shirt and legs and told officers that he had a chicken salad and an unspecified number of “shots of vodka” earlier that night.

A woman woke up to a weird chemical smell in her room. She soon discovered that her roommate, who is in the process of getting evicted, had bleached her entire wardrobe.

Two packaging employees stole four pallets of hardwood flooring from a company truck. Total value: $11,000.

A woman stuffed $232 worth of men’s clothing into her purse at a West Ashley department store.

An unidentified suspect stole $1,230 worth of shorts and shirts from the front table of a King Street menswear retailer with no security cameras.

Thirty minutes earlier, someone stole five white pairs of women’s shorts worth $492 from a boutique down the street.

Nine minutes before that, a different suspect stuffed a $210 white romper from a different King Street store into her shopping bag.

When officers asked a man who seemed drunk about the pipe in his car, he replied, “Um, it’s just pot, sir. Honestly, it just helps me mellow out.” When asked if he felt like he was good to drive, he answered, “Honestly, I just wanted to go get air in my tire and a pack of cigarettes and go back home.” Sounds like a perfectly reasonable encounter to us.

A woman and her baby daddy argued on Facebook Live all day. The lines between the virtual and physical worlds blurred when the woman drove to the restaurant where he was and kept arguing with him from inside the car. The man later punched her driver’s side window and shattered it.

A woman got a text message from an unknown number that read, “Death’s coming to you and your brother.”

A woman took a piece of luggage from a West Ashley department store and stuffed it with $409 worth of other merchandise, including clothing and cosmetics, before leaving the store.

A King Street retailer chose not to report a group of three teenage girls who stole two swimsuits and a shirt. The girls came back less than a week later and stole $67 in merchandise.

Several diners at a downtown restaurant complained about a man who was yelling and cursing in front of young children. He later told officers, “I am not going to calm down, I am going to just keep making disturbances. You are just going to have to arrest me.” The man, who had dilated pupils and was sweating profusely, was booked into county jail for disorderly conduct.

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