Sexbruise? shot a music video last week, but we still have no clue what it's about

Intrepid funk band Sexbruise? has hit some hard times … we think.

Ya know, now that we put some thought into it, we’re really not sure what the hell was supposed to be going on at last Thursday night’s music video shoot for their new song “Party in the ’80s.”

They were singing about cocaine and how sweet the ’80s were outside of the Commodore upon arriving at the funk and soul club. Local comedians Hagan Ragland and Joseph Coker were pretending to be pissed off landlords. The band was playing a Doritos bag and a Bop-It at one point. Audience members were dressed up like they were from the Reagan era.

It was exactly what you would expect from a Sexbruise? music video … we think.

In a hunt to figure out the music video being filmed, City Paper asked the band about the storyline and the song, but drummer John Pope was a little tough to reach.

“He’s playing a game of Bop-It right now, so if you guys could come back later…” keyboardist and vocalist Julie Slonecki said.

“We don’t usually talk to the press because the fake news media is all out to get us,” Pope added.

After the usual interrogation that Sexbruise? interviews require, details eventually started to slip out.

The band’s going to start off on a yacht, giving their usual “babes, money, snacks” vibe, according to the group’s desktop computer player Stratton Moore. Somehow, they end on the street, amidst being hunted by undercover vice landlords.

We told actor Hagan Ragland that we didn’t know what the plot of the video was.

“I don’t think anyone does,” he responded.

One can only assume it harkens back to the early ’80s when music videos were an unexplored artistic frontier.

“Party in the ’80s” is a loving tribute to everything ’80s — cocaine, synths, cocaine, yachts, cocaine, and cocaine.

“The song’s actually a cautionary tale,” Pope says. “We start off living the high life, but then in the end, we’re still having a blast, but things aren’t looking good for Sexbruise? after just years of fame and blow.”

It’s all complete fiction, though. “People don’t realize how much money we make,” Pope clarified.

“We’re still pretty rich,” Slonecki added.

According to the band, the song has already amassed a multi-platinum certification before its release. “So far, over 20,000 people have streamed it in a click-farm in China,” said Pope.

In a show of solidarity for a decade passed, Sexbruise? performed a series of ’80s hits, including a raucous and danceable cover of the Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This),” alongside some new material. The new tracks hint at a new release around the corner.

And, while the video’s throughline is still mysterious, we’ll find out what happens when the video officially drops near the end of the summer.