Steve Stegelin

The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department between July 28 and Aug. 3. No one described in this section has been found guilty, just unlucky.

Blotter o’ the week: A handgun was stolen out of a car parked at a West Ashley apartment complex. We aren’t sure who to pick on in this situation, the person who bought a pink 9 mm, or the desperate thief who stole it.

After tracking down the offender in a hit and run collision in West Ashley, officers found an “uncollectible amount of marijuana” in the offender’s vehicle. Of course, that means a small amount, but part of you has to wonder if it was just too many tons of weed for one officer to collect.

At a West Ashley hotel, a woman discovered that her room had been broken into. The thief made off with a Roku device, meaning they get mediocre streaming services and mediocre channels. Justice is served.

Police investigated an area after watching a man take off running behind a fence. The officer found a handgun and a flip-flop in the area and alerted other units. Soon after, a man matching the description was detained, and by god there he was, wearing a single sandal. We know what you’re thinking — caught red-footed — but according to the report, the flip-flop was black.

A man’s backpack was stolen downtown. Financial documents with the victim’s social security number were in the bag along with his Clemson class ring. If the substance of the report is any indication, though, the missing ring was apparently much more important to the guy than the threat of identity theft.

After colliding with a fence and driving through five backyards, a woman’s vehicle was found by officers to have lost its engine along the way. This isn’t a euphemism — the car engine actually fell out of the engine bay and was on the ground when officers arrived. This might be one of the few times when a car lost a fight to a fence.

A probable cause search of a West Ashley vehicle yielded a digital scale, 2,000 multi-colored tablets, a handgun and a kids bookbag with 8.1 grams of marijuana. Got to start them off young?

One man began listing off the various illicit items in his vehicle after a traffic stop, culminating with roughly 70 ecstasy pills in his underwear. Now, the report doesn’t mention there being a container, so we are imagining 70 loose pills clattering in a man’s briefs, and now you are too.

A man’s truck was reported stolen from his driveway on June 31 after he left the keys in the center console. The truck was described as a white dually, with a Citadel sticker on the window and a “Don’t Tread on Me” bumper sticker. Your Citadel Bingo cards are likely filling up by now…

During a traffic stop, the driver of a car was asked if there was anything illegal in the vehicle, to which the man replied, “Like what?” OK, dude. Already suspicious, but nothing damning yet. The officer asked if there was marijuana in the car, and the man said, “No,” but reportedly shook his head yes. (Surprise, there was weed in the car.)

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